Take A Message

8/30/1996

I called Trent Lott last Tuesday.  Trent is the newly elected Majority Leader of the Senate.  He returned my call on Wednesday.  I called Thad Cochran last week.  He’s the senior Senator from the state of Mississippi and Bob Dole’s closet advisor.  He called back an hour later.  I called Bob Dole last Wednesday.  His campaign coordinator returned the call three hours later asking what I wanted to speak with the Presidential candidate about.  When I told him it was nothing important, just a follow-up to an earlier conversation, he said Bob would be getting in touch with me.  Three days later I got a message from Bob Dole on my answering machine at home.

Take a message.

Pushing my luck, I tried President Clinton.  I was shuffled to one of his advisors.  When I said I wanted to talk about the upcoming campaign, I was told someone would get back with me.  It wasn’t long before I heard from someone in the Democratic Committee asking for a donation.

Tell him I’m in a meeting.

Close…but no cigar.  For him, too.  There was no donation either.

Tell her I’ll call her right back.

I was able to talk with three former, current and future leaders of the free world.  But try to get someone in our business on the phone and, as often as not, you’re out of luck.

Tell him you can’t find me.

When someone says, “You’re as hard to get on the phone as the President,” don’t buy it.  The President is easier…especially in an election year.

Tell her I’m in production.

I also tried to reach out and touch a bunch of people in our industry last week.  Anticipating a story, I kept a log of my calls.  I spoke with 41 PDs, 25 heads of promotion, 23 MDs, 21 assorted promotion types, 14 radio people looking for jobs, 11 managers, nine record people looking for jobs, seven GMs, six record company presidents, four publishers, three station owners, two dancers and an independent who swore he could deliver if I could hook him up directly.

Tell him I’m on a conference call.

As a matter of course, I speak with an assortment of gypsies, tramps and thieves on a daily basis.  It is my job, so I probably network more than the normal person.  And in my position, it is probably easier to get most of my calls returned.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk with me?  Sometimes the calls are specific.  Sometimes it’s just to keep in touch.  Those might be the most important calls of all.  Lose touch in this business and you aren’t far from losing everything.

Tell her I’ve gone for the day.

It is, however, amazing how many of our calls go unreturned.  The biggest complaint I hear is, “That asshole won’t call me back.”

Tell him I’m on a call and have two holding.

In our business of communication, communication is increasingly impossible.  Why is that?

I’m sorry, he’s not answering the intercom.

The simple insanity of our business makes me crazy at times.  We are so quick to coronate the newest king and write off the latest loser that we lose our concentration on the big picture.  The king is only one bad deal away from being a loser.  And the loser is only one good job away from being a king again.

He’s on with Kingston.  Can he call you back?

Are we stupid enough to believe that those who lose their jobs won’t return in a position of authority?  What’s a fired program director going to do…latch on with Union Carbide?

He’s behind closed doors.

Too often, not only are calls hard to connect when someone doesn’t have a job, it’s just as difficult when you do have one.  We’ve become so impressed with our own persona that if we tired to phone ourselves, we wouldn’t take the call!

She’ll call you back in five minutes.

Many times, those in power surround themselves with only people who agree with their agenda.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with having a staff around you that is on the same page.  But having only “yes” men and women giving token approval to all of your ideas is a recipe for disaster.

She’ll call you back in five hours.

Locking yourself in a closet may keep the boogie man away, but if the boogie man just produced a hit record…you lose.  What’s so freaking difficult about picking up the phone?

What’s this call regarding?

Former jocks always answer the phone.  We know the next call might be a date or a job offer.  We can’t take the chance on missing out.

He’s out to lunch.

I’m not writing to say that everyone should take every call.  It’s impossible.  And pests who continue to call with nothing to say must be told not to call again.  But to refuse to speak with someone just because you don’t have time to trifle with trash could make you lose out.  I’m not asking for a pint of blood…just a call back.

She’s talking with London.

The most important call I made last week was one that wasn’t returned.  A record company executive had signed and released a song by his pet project.  It wasn’t successful.  I happened to be playing golf with a programmer who runs a rather important station and who consults a few more.  In the course of the day, we discussed this particular record.  He said he wouldn’t consider the song because of his feelings about this particular record executive.  I took umbrage and promised to try and bridge the gap.  Later I had to eat crow.  The guy didn’t return my calls.  But, everything equals out…the record didn’t get added either.

He’s in a marketing meeting.

It is a constant contradiction in our industry.  We struggle to network and work our way to the top of our profession.  Then, as soon as we get there, we stop communicating.

Tell him you don’t know where I am.

Can we do a little more of that?  I know as mad as I got, I had to do a little work before I could write this Editorial.  There were more than a few messages I had been ignoring.  So I returned some calls.  One was from an out-of-work PD who had secretly just landed a major gig.  He laughed because I was the only one who returned his call.

Take a message.

Next week, he won’t be talking to anybody.