Month: August 1996

Take A Message

8/30/1996

I called Trent Lott last Tuesday.  Trent is the newly elected Majority Leader of the Senate.  He returned my call on Wednesday.  I called Thad Cochran last week.  He’s the senior Senator from the state of Mississippi and Bob Dole’s closet advisor.  He called back an hour later.  I called Bob Dole last Wednesday.  His campaign coordinator returned the call three hours later asking what I wanted to speak with the Presidential candidate about.  When I told him it was nothing important, just a follow-up to an earlier conversation, he said Bob would be getting in touch with me.  Three days later I got a message from Bob Dole on my answering machine at home.

Take a message.

Pushing my luck, I tried President Clinton.  I was shuffled to one of his advisors.  When I said I wanted to talk about the upcoming campaign, I was told someone would get back with me.  It wasn’t long before I heard from someone in the Democratic Committee asking for a donation.

Tell him I’m in a meeting.

Close…but no cigar.  For him, too.  There was no donation either.

Tell her I’ll call her right back.

I was able to talk with three former, current and future leaders of the free world.  But try to get someone in our business on the phone and, as often as not, you’re out of luck.

Tell him you can’t find me.

When someone says, “You’re as hard to get on the phone as the President,” don’t buy it.  The President is easier…especially in an election year.

Tell her I’m in production.

I also tried to reach out and touch a bunch of people in our industry last week.  Anticipating a story, I kept a log of my calls.  I spoke with 41 PDs, 25 heads of promotion, 23 MDs, 21 assorted promotion types, 14 radio people looking for jobs, 11 managers, nine record people looking for jobs, seven GMs, six record company presidents, four publishers, three station owners, two dancers and an independent who swore he could deliver if I could hook him up directly.

Tell him I’m on a conference call.

As a matter of course, I speak with an assortment of gypsies, tramps and thieves on a daily basis.  It is my job, so I probably network more than the normal person.  And in my position, it is probably easier to get most of my calls returned.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk with me?  Sometimes the calls are specific.  Sometimes it’s just to keep in touch.  Those might be the most important calls of all.  Lose touch in this business and you aren’t far from losing everything.

Tell her I’ve gone for the day.

It is, however, amazing how many of our calls go unreturned.  The biggest complaint I hear is, “That asshole won’t call me back.”

Tell him I’m on a call and have two holding.

In our business of communication, communication is increasingly impossible.  Why is that?

I’m sorry, he’s not answering the intercom.

The simple insanity of our business makes me crazy at times.  We are so quick to coronate the newest king and write off the latest loser that we lose our concentration on the big picture.  The king is only one bad deal away from being a loser.  And the loser is only one good job away from being a king again.

He’s on with Kingston.  Can he call you back?

Are we stupid enough to believe that those who lose their jobs won’t return in a position of authority?  What’s a fired program director going to do…latch on with Union Carbide?

He’s behind closed doors.

Too often, not only are calls hard to connect when someone doesn’t have a job, it’s just as difficult when you do have one.  We’ve become so impressed with our own persona that if we tired to phone ourselves, we wouldn’t take the call!

She’ll call you back in five minutes.

Many times, those in power surround themselves with only people who agree with their agenda.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with having a staff around you that is on the same page.  But having only “yes” men and women giving token approval to all of your ideas is a recipe for disaster.

She’ll call you back in five hours.

Locking yourself in a closet may keep the boogie man away, but if the boogie man just produced a hit record…you lose.  What’s so freaking difficult about picking up the phone?

What’s this call regarding?

Former jocks always answer the phone.  We know the next call might be a date or a job offer.  We can’t take the chance on missing out.

He’s out to lunch.

I’m not writing to say that everyone should take every call.  It’s impossible.  And pests who continue to call with nothing to say must be told not to call again.  But to refuse to speak with someone just because you don’t have time to trifle with trash could make you lose out.  I’m not asking for a pint of blood…just a call back.

She’s talking with London.

The most important call I made last week was one that wasn’t returned.  A record company executive had signed and released a song by his pet project.  It wasn’t successful.  I happened to be playing golf with a programmer who runs a rather important station and who consults a few more.  In the course of the day, we discussed this particular record.  He said he wouldn’t consider the song because of his feelings about this particular record executive.  I took umbrage and promised to try and bridge the gap.  Later I had to eat crow.  The guy didn’t return my calls.  But, everything equals out…the record didn’t get added either.

He’s in a marketing meeting.

It is a constant contradiction in our industry.  We struggle to network and work our way to the top of our profession.  Then, as soon as we get there, we stop communicating.

Tell him you don’t know where I am.

Can we do a little more of that?  I know as mad as I got, I had to do a little work before I could write this Editorial.  There were more than a few messages I had been ignoring.  So I returned some calls.  One was from an out-of-work PD who had secretly just landed a major gig.  He laughed because I was the only one who returned his call.

Take a message.

Next week, he won’t be talking to anybody.

All She Wants To Do Is Dance

8/23/1996

I don’t’ know what’s up with all of this Dance craze business.  Everywhere I go…every person I talk to seems to be hung up on the resurregence of Dance music.  It’s Dance this…Dance that…Dance…Dance…Dance.

Excuse me?  I certainly don’t get it.  There is absolutely, positively nothing in my life or vocabulary that can convince me that the Dance lifestyle…which includes music, clubs and clothing…is making a comeback.

I mean, just because WKTU in New York makes a tiny move, I’m supposed to do the Hustle? I think not.

Hey, I like The Night Life as much as anyone else.  And Heaven Knows, I’m constantly surrounded by people who have, on occasion, visited the Disco Saturday Night at the Viper Room, but me…I’m completely satisfied at the Y.M.C.A.

I’m the kind of person who isn’t effected by fads and changes in musical taste. Let’s face it: I broke all those records.  And even if Dance did make a huge comeback, I Will Survive.  I remember dancing the Last dance in 1985.  Of course, the Last Contest on KCBQ San Diego about December ’63 and it wasn’t really the last radio contest, so, Heaven Knows, if Disco didn’t really die, there is a precedent.

In our industry, there is not shortage of people who are quick to say, “Express Yourself.”  The fact that most of these same people live on or over the Borderline isn’t really important…expect to their immediate family.  Then there are those who say, “We Are Family,” referring to the entire industry.  However, we know this is bullshit, because it’s all about cash.  My girlfriend is in the record business and I can vouch for the fact that She Works Hard For Her Money.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood.  I’m the first person to swear I want to party ‘til it’s 1999.  All my friends will tell you that I love to Get Up And Boogie.  I swear I Love The Nightlife.  It’s just that all of this talk about Dance music and Disco is way too much, too soon.  Mama Used To Say that you must take things slowly and consider all sources before you make any decisions.  Of course, when Mama made her famous tuna casserole, she would say, “That’s The Way (Uh-huh, Uh-huh) I Like It.” Mama was a Dancing Queen.

It might comes as a surprise to many of you to know that I once ruled the Disco.  Yes, Columbia, Mississippi had never seen the likes of the moves I made on that slick, hardwood floor.  Long before John Travolta struck that famous pose, I was definitely in Vogue.  I’ll never forget the one moment that my world turned Upside Down.  It was the Night A DJ Saved My Life.

It was a normal evening at the Knights of Columbus Hall.  All the old vets were sitting in the parking lot, grumbling about the young people who were taking over their meeting spot.  The place was jumping…the music was pumping.  The Bad Girls were purring and my words were slurring. (Beep Beep.)

Someone said, “You Should Be Dancing,” and I was.  I was working on the great new step the Second Time Around, when I got Into The  Groove.  All My Passion began to flow.  I swear, in the depths of Mississippi, I suddenly felt like a Native New Yorker.  Suddenly, something Set It Off.  There was gun fire.  Then, there was One More Shot.

It was the one that would Ring My Bell.

My friends threw me in the back of a pickup truck to take me to the hospital.  Instead, they took me to Funky Town, where I was treated Like A Virgin.  In other words, I was touched for the very first time. Although I was a little afraid, I heard a voice shouting, “More More More.” I was Fascinated until I realized the voice was mine.

Throwing caution to the wind, I ignored my pain and decided to Get Up And Boogie.  I was Too Turned On to think about the Lucky Star that had invaded my galaxy.  I don’t know what it was, but I noticed someone shouted to Dim All The Lights.  Everybody…everybody began to Dance The Night Away.  It was Like A Prayer was answered.  Heaven Must Have Sent You From Above to Turn The Beat Around.  Billie Jean and Gloria put some Hot Stuff on my wound.  I said, “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” but they said, “Shame, Shame, Shame all you have is the Night Fever.  You better get rid of it because it’s twice as bed the Second Time Around.”

The next I knew, I was Dreamin’ Of Love.  Some Nasty Girl told me it was Ladies Night and she was going to Spank me.  We wound up at MacArthur Park.  She said, “It Takes Two.”  I didn’t want to disappoint her and let her know that it only took one, so, Knock On wood, I just Let The Music Play.  I had no idea she had Sexual Healing on her mind.

I was seconds away from being In The Bush.  I was ready to Get Into The Groove with Le Freak when I realized I was Born To Be Alive.  I felt The Power.  I was sweating like crazy.  It was, after all, Summertime, Summertime.  I heard my song On The Radio and demanded that my friends take me Right Back Where We Started From.

When I got back to the club, all I could thing of was Thank God It’s Friday.

So there you have the tale of my Bad Luck days as King of the Disco.  Hey, even if it was in a small town in Mississippi, I had happy feet and for one brief moment in time, all the girls wanted to dance with me.

There was even on big fat hillbilly that wanted to Let It Whip, but that’s another story all together.

It’s a Shame when I think back on it.  Those were the days.  It was the time of 100% Pure Love.  There was the constant Temptation to Let Me Take You Dancing.  Every night was Another Night, if you know what I mean.  There certainly weren’t any I.O.U.’s being written.  I always felt like a Macho Man.

My only regret was that I had to leave Maria, the love of my life.

But that was yesterday and yesterday’s gone.  I could go on Dreamin’ Of Love for the rest of this column, but it would be a waste of time.  Dance isn’t happening.  How could anyone think so.  Even my girlfriend would agree.  I tried to get her to help me with this column, but she was busy down at the Car Wash.

Cluster’s Last Stand

8/16/1996

The art of counter programming seems to be a lost one.  And it’s a shame.  Not just because counter programming was successful…not just because counter programming really showed off programming skills…not just because counter programming forced a radio station to be on the cutting edge and make instantaneous decisions…not just because counter programming make you pay attention…but because counter programming worked.  And it still does.

Unfortunately, we have programmers spending too much time on research, call-out, out house and eventually wind up in the dog house.

So what’s a programmer to do?

You should figure it out…and figure it out quickly.  If you don’t, it’s going to be figured out for you.  Someone else may be calling the shots and there aren’t any bullets for you.

Spot clustering…spawning 10-in-a-row and the like…is soon to be a thing of the past.  And I’m not talking about a weekend promotion where you play nothing but Oldies (however, that is a good one).

I was never a proponent of that 10-in-a-row thing from the beginning.  Hanging your hat on a positioning statement that is so easy for your competition to trump (11-, 12-in-a-row. etc.) has always seemed like an invitation to disaster.

However, because counter programming isn’t practiced as much as it should be, some stations have been successful (from a strict programming stance) in promoting the 10-in-a-row position and in garnering seemingly strong ratings.

The problem is that in our “lemming” programming mentality, it’s no longer necessary to give the time on a radio station.  If you hear commercials, you can almost guarantee it’s somewhere between 15 and five minutes before the hour. Either that or 20 minutes past.

Radio, no matter the format, has become boring in its predictability.  Programmers have forgotten that their primary goal is to sell.

Whoa! What did you say, bud? Sell? You must be confused.  That’s the sales manager’s job.

Get real.  Show me a great programmer and I’ll show you a great sales person.  A programmer has to sell.  We have two sets of clients on any given station…those who buy commercials and those who listen.  It’s a programmer’s job to protect the listeners from too many tune outs and sell them on what a great station they’ve chosen.

It takes innovation, promotion, marketing and programming to sell your audience on the fact that your radio station is the best.  And programming is much more than 10-in-a-row.

Not that any of you who are locked into the 10-in-a-row concept are paying attention. You’re so used to sleeping through “another 10-in-a-row,” that it’s certainly too much to ask that you stay awake through this Editorial.  Besides, why should you care?  If it ain’t broke, why worry about fixing it?

If you’re too bored, lazy or ignorant to try something new, then crawl up on the porch and let the big dogs runs in the street.  You’re too far behind the curve to know that change is coming, and it has nothing to do with innovation before you’re forced to capitulate and wind up following a directive that has nothing to do with programming.

Since the beginning of time…as in spot buys…agencies have sought out radio stations that consistently deliver the numbers requested by specific clients. If a station has good numbers in the primary demo, that station will generally get the buy.  Seldom, if ever, does an agency know (or care) what a station does to deliver these numbers.  The agency just wants the numbers.  Numbers don’t lie.

Maybe.  But often numbers don’t tell the whole truth.

I’ve got a news flash for you:  One of the largest radio advertisers has done some research into the reach, frequency and results of the advertising placed on radio in the top markets across the country and the results are astounding.  This research is showing that time buys in spot clusters simply don’t work.  Period.

The audience doesn’t hear the second spot in any cluster.  We’ve trained our audience to understand that when they hear one commercial, in all likelihood, four more minutes of commercials (sometimes more) will follow.  Fingers are on the radio buttons before a ten second live promo is half-way through.

When the research is complete, this advertiser plans to change its way of doing business with radio.  It will no longer buy anything except the first spot in a commercial break.  That’s when things will start to change.  If every agency follows the lead of this client, radio will be in trouble.

Spot clusters may go away.  Programmers will have to find a new way of doing things.  When I was programming KFRC San Francisco, we were required, by the FCC and our parent company, to run two newscast every hour in morning and afternoon drive, a 60-second public affairs spot every hour and 12 units of commercials every hour.  RKO hired a consultant to give us advice.  After listening for a couple of days, he came in with his recommendations:  Cut out all newscasts outside of morning drive, then do only one an hour, end all public affairs spots and cut the commercial load to 8 units an hour.

“Right,” I said.  “Now a reality check.  What I need from you are ideas to increase our quarter-hour and cume numbers with the current news, public affairs and commercial load, because they aren’t going to change.”

Needless to say, the consultant left.  If we couldn’t quit talking and run 10-in-a-row, he just couldn’t help us.

A lot of stations could wind up in a similar situation soon.  Change may be forced.  Spot clusters will give way to, “No more than 60 seconds away from music,” or something like that.

A bigger challenge could be to recognize the research before it’s presented and make formatic adjustments now.  Tell the clients the changes are in their best interests.  Make the changes a positive.

Then try and find a programmer who can win without 10-in-a-row!

Becoming Adult

8/9/1996 

Over the past several months, Network 40 has been asking a lot of questions to a lot of different people.  In a continuing effort to expand our audience and increase our TSR (Time Spent Reading), we’ve sought your input in ways to make Network 40 even more valuable.

It wasn’t long ago when Network 40 was the new kid on the block, struggling to show our personality and make new friends.  It’s funny…early on, we were one of the last picked for the basketball team; new kids always are.  Others made jokes about us and said we looked weird…until they got to know us.  Then they found out we could hit that outside jumper and rebound pretty well, and the next thing you know, we’ve been voted “Most Popular” and “Most Likely To Succeed.”

I love this business.

Anyhow, the absolute staple of Network 40 has been…and will continue to be…our desire to be a reflection of the industry we serve. We try and find out what you want…then give it to you…It’s not brain surgery.  How could it be?  We don’t have brains.

K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple, Stupid.

We can do that.

What’s not so simple is finding a way to please all of our listeners all of the time.  Which is why Network 40 continues to add new wrinkles…that and the fact that we’re all radio people here (with the possible exception of John Kilgo).  We like to hear different promotions, fresh liners and new jingles.  That’s why we’re constantly tinkering with our sound.

Plus, our industry is constantly changing.  Lewis and Clark would have a bitch charting the course of Mainstream Top 40 and the tributaries it has spawned in the past two decades.  To continue to be successful, we at Network 40 have to keep up with the social shifts and cultural changes to stay anywhere close to the cutting edge of our industry…beside, you all know we’re a shifty bunch to begin with.

After studying the Report Cards your parents signed and returned, we’ve begun to implement the changes you requested.  Two weeks ago, we debuted the Network 40 Market Profile and the Network 40 Music Research.  You wanted more information on different stations in different markets.  You also wanted music research.  So, we got together with Media Base and created the most extensive market profiles in the business.  Network 40 and Media Base did the same with music research and we now provide the industry’s only recurrent music research broken down by format as well as the top testing new songs across the country.

This week, we’re giving you more of what you’ve requested.  On page 22, you’ll find the industry’s most definitive panel of Adult Top 40 stations.

After seeking input from our readers, we came up with a list of stations that appeal to the upper demos of Mainstream Top 40…stations that are aggressive when it comes to programming, promotions and music.  Those stations make up the initial panel for this format.  As the format and stations change, additions and deletions will be made to keep the panel reflective of today’s Adult Top 40 sound.

You’ll find individual playlists of selected Adult Top 40 stations so you can see what your favorite stations are programming.

Accompanying the chart and music information will be weekly promotions and programming information on the reporting stations compiles by Adult Top 40 Editor Tiffany Eason.

What more could a mother ask?

This is only the beginning of the changes you’ll see on the pages of Network 40.  One of the biggest requests from our listeners was to expand the amount of information we accumulate to cover other formats.  In the coming weeks, you’ll see our reaction as Network 40 begins an expansion to keep you abreast of everything that’s happening in radio.

Not to worry, our award winning (hey, we gave ourselves a Chrome Lizard Award last year) coverage of Mainstreams Top 40 and its derivatives will continue unabated.  However, many of you made valid points about needing at least a thumbnail sketch of other formats.  With the major radio companies buying more and more radio stations, many Top 40 programmers are finding themselves across the hall from their “new” sister stations.  Often, the additional stations housed in the same building share sales, promotion and other support personnel.  It’s important to have, at minimum, a working knowledge of the format that might be playing on speakers at the other end of the hall.

To this end, Network 40 will be charting the music that might very well be on the newest addition to your chain by the time you finish reading this sentence.  The radio landscape is evolving faster than a new virus.  I’m amazed that the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta hasn’t put out a bulletin about it.  Maybe next week.

With the coming Presidential elections and the promises of politicians to further ease the lax restrictions that now exist, the only thing we can count on for sure is that there will be more changes in the future.

So, how do you like our changes so far?

There are other features coming that you’ll be reading about in future issues, but we don’t want to blow the entire promotion in the summer book.  Suffice it to say that Network 40 has taken all of your suggestions and we’re working to implement them as quickly and efficiently as possible.  If we’re reflecting your wants and needs, then we’re going to keep getting our picture in the yearbook under those “Most Popular” and “Most Likely To Succeed” categories.

If we haven’t connected on issues you would like covered or changes you would like to see on the pages of Network 40, we’re only a free long-distance call away at (800) 443-4001.  Our request lines are open 24-hours, seven days a week.  However, if you’re calling to request more naked pictures on Page 6, don’t bother.

We’ve gotten that message.

Beside, that’s a 900 number.

Hold your calls, please, we have a winner!

School’s Out

8/2/1996

Welcome to record promotion in the ‘90s.  You heard about the guy who went around the village riding a horse and singing Christmas carols?  The police found a horse running free and gave him a call.  The guy looks outside and sees his horse still in the corral.  He tells the police, “You’ve made a mistake.  That’s a horse of a different caroler.”

Okay, it’s a long way to go to let you know things have changed…but things have changed.

It wasn’t long ago that record companies laid out a lot of cash to get a lot of ads (real and paper) and son-of-a-gun, their records were Breakers in R&R.  The next week they played on that Breaker status to get more adds (real and paper) and their records began moving up the charts.  Another couple of weeks, more money, more adds (real and paper) and they were in the top 20.  The end result:  A label suddenly has the #15 record in the country, nobody’s heard it (oops…more paper than real) and, surprise, a record that shipped Gold returns Platinum.

Few worked harder for less than promotion people in these “good old days.”  It wasn’t easy to get an add…paper or real.  Come on, Bud, it was tough.  A radio station could only list so many paper adds.  Programmers had to play some records.  Their audience expected it.

Promotion people did anything they could to get their record noticed.  They dressed up in chicken suits, hired Little Egypt and the Dancing Pyramids, rented all sorts of farm animals, brought sleeping bags in the lobbies of stations, made complete fools of themselves and in the process, got their names…and the titles of the records…remembered by programmers.

With actual spins and actual sales now a reality few can ignore, they way record companies do business has changed.  And record promotion has changed with it.  Unfortunately, not all the changes are positive.

For the past few years, record companies have trumpeted the fact that most records break out of major markets.  Less time has been devoted to smaller markets because (a) smaller markets are often slower than the majors to make playlist additions and (b) even if a smaller market adds a record, it doesn’t affect the important SoundScan charts, so many believe it doesn’t matter.

Until they have a “work” record.  Then those Field & Stream reporters start getting a lot of calls and promotions.

The importance of smaller markets is something I’ve written about before and will be the subject of another Editorial.  This week’s ranting is about promotion in general.

In the eyes and minds of many company presidents, promotion in the ‘90s must be done differently than promotion during the “Dark Ages” of the ‘80s.  Part of this is due to the changes in the way we do business.  Reality is the key.  Today, we know how many times a radio station is playing a record.  We also know how many records are selling, as opposed to how many are shipping.

Another reason is because many companies have leaned more toward A&R than promotion.  With the rise of Alternative music and programming in the past few years, we’ve all bought into they hype that “…it’s all about the music.”

Of course, it’s all about the music.  It’s always been about the music.  But you can have the greatest record ever produced and if it isn’t heard by the right programmers, it doesn’t matter.  Here’s another news flash for you:  there’s a lot of great music out there.  You have to distinguish your great record from the other company’s great record.  How do you do that?

Promotion.

As hard as it is for some A&R people to believe, promotion is still the engine that pulls the train.  A lot of great records have died in the studios…or on the desks of programmers who never heard them.

More now than ever before, programmers need to be promoted.  With the advent of more record companies come more releases.  It’s all well and good for the head of A&R to say, “The record speaks for itself,” but in today’s market place, a record can’t just speak…it has to scream.

We hear so much today about “Old School” and “New School.”  Many promotion people today are afraid of embarrassing themselves by being abrasive or too outrageous.  Many feel that it isn’t “in” to be too pushy about their records.  The only thing that makes you “in” is whether or not your record is “on!”

It’s sometimes tougher for promotion people to be outrageous in today’s corporate atmosphere.  Many of those who got where they are today by being outrageous at chosen times are too quick to make “cookie-cutters” out of those who now work for them.  We need to remember that, especially in radio, it’s still fun.  I’m not suggesting that promotion people show up in WPLJ’s lobby next week naked with dancing girls, but waddling around in a chicken outfit or something else outrageous from time to time never hurt anybody…or any record.  You may not get your record added, but if you draw attention to yourself and your product, you’ll certainly get it heard.  Then, and only then, if the A&R genius is correct, the record will speak for itself.

When I was programming KWOD in Sacramento, Michael Silva put on spandex glitter pants and wore a long blonde wig into the station to promote a record by the Nelsons.  We had just turned KWOD Alternative at the time and even for me, adding the Nelsons was a stretch.  I refused to see him. He refused to leave.  I finally went into the lobby and threw him out.  He was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed.  Yet from that time on, every time he entered the station, I saw him and listened to his music.  I figured anyone who was crazy enough to make a fool of himself to get my attention, deserved it.

It’s a lesson a lot of promotion people need to learn.  PDs and MDs have a lot more on their agendas than taking the time to listen carefully to each record they receive. It is up to you, as a promotion person, to do anything and everything to make yourself stick out from the herd.

Whether you’re “New School” or “Old School” isn’t what’s important.  It’s what you learned while attending.

In record promotion (as in golf), it’s not how, but how many that puts you on the leader board!