It wasnâ€™t long ago when â€œIâ€™ve got good news and bad newsâ€ jokes were the rage.Â In the true sense of the â€˜90s, or possibly a retro back to the days of Clint Eastwood in Italy, weâ€™ve now updated the phrase to good, bad and ugly.
Good:Â Your son studies a lot in his room alone.
Bad:Â You find several pornographic videos hidden in his closet.
Ugly:Â Youâ€™re in them.
Good:Â You work for PolyGram.
Bad:Â Your company is purchased by Seagram.
Ugly:Â Doug Morris wants to meet with all the key executives and youâ€™re not on the list.
Good:Â You and your husband agree to have no more children.
Bad:Â You canâ€™t find your birth control pills.
Ugly:Â Your daughter has them.
Good:Â The Program Director agrees to have dinner with you.
Bad:Â He makes the restaurant reservations.
Ugly:Â The restaurant is in Paris.
Good:Â Your son is finally maturing into a man.
Bad:Â Heâ€™s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly:Â So are you.
Good:Â Your record was added at a radio station.
Bad:Â The Program Director wants the act for a station promotion.
Ugly:Â The promotion is the opening of a 7-11.
Good:Â Your husband takes a sudden interest in fashion.
Bad:Â Heâ€™s a cross-dresser.
Ugly:Â He looks better in a dress than you do.
Good:Â The Program Director agrees to spend a weekend with you in Las Vegas.
Bad:Â You lose all your money.
Ugly:Â The Program Director asks you for a loan.
Good:Â The postman is delivering your mail early.
Bad:Â Heâ€™s wearing fatigues and carrying an AK-47.
Ugly:Â You gave him nothing for Christmas.
Good:Â Your morning ratings went through the roof on the day you scheduled a meeting with your morning personality.
Bad:Â The rest of the station dropped drastically.
Ugly:Â Your morning man is Howard Stern.
Good:Â You have a talk about the birds and the bees with your daughter.
Bad:Â She keeps interrupting.
Ugly:Â With corrections.
Good:Â You are the Program Director of a Top 40 station and your ratings go up.
Bad:Â The station manager hires a consultant.
Ugly:Â The consultantâ€™s name is Rusty Walker.
Good:Â Your wife isnâ€™t talking to you.
Bad:Â She wants a divorce.
Ugly:Â Sheâ€™s an attorney.
Good:Â The station manager agrees to add your record to test the â€œPay For Playâ€ theory.
Bad:Â He wants a check for $10,000.
Ugly:Â The Program Director wants $20,000 cash.
Good:Â Your daughter gets a job at the White House.
Bad:Â As an intern.
Ugly:Â Working for the President.
Good:Â Youâ€™re sent 200 cleans of a superstarâ€™s latest release by mistake.
Bad:Â Youâ€™re called into the label presidentâ€™s office to watch a video.
Ugly:Â Itâ€™s a police surveillance of you selling the CDs.
Good:Â Your four best friends are your neighbors.
Bad:Â They are all good with sharp objects.
Ugly:Â Their houses are labeled â€œCell Blocks 1-4.â€
Good:Â Youâ€™re having an affair with your midday jock.
Bad:Â She gets drunk at the station Christmas party.
Ugly:Â She goes to the ladies room with your wife.
Good:Â Jesus Christ returns to earth.
Bad:Â He wants you on the phone.
Ugly:Â Heâ€™s calling from Salt Lake City.
Good:Â Your morning personality is doing a bit on mother and daughter hookers.
Bad:Â You recognize your wifeâ€™s voice.
Ugly:Â And your daughterâ€™s.
Good:Â A beautiful blonde drags you into a closet at the station Christmas party.
Bad:Â The blonde takes off her dress and exposes her penis.
Ugly:Â Itâ€™s bigger than yours.
Good:Â Youâ€™re programming a station in San Diego.
Bad:Â The station is sold.
Ugly:Â To Heftel.
Good:Â Network 40.
Good:Â To tighten up your stationâ€™s sound, you drop several records, including two of Atlanticâ€™s.
Bad:Â Andrea Ganis is on the phone.
Ugly:Â It doesnâ€™t get any uglier than that!