10/16/1998
I have one of the best jobs in the world. In my position, I get to speak with the most influential people in the radio and record industries on a daily basis. Sometimes, they even listen to what I have to say! I have the greatest staff in the business. Network 40 is the only trade magazine staffed by former programmers. We’re able to give insight that other trades, top-heavy with worn out record executives, can’t comprehend. Programmers understand Network 40 because, in another life, we were them. We’re able to bridge the gap like no other group in history.
Every member of the Network 40 staff is a seasoned professional who is personally interested in the realities of our world. Except for one.
The Chrome Lizard is a paradoxical riddle who lives in his own universe, sliding under rocks and swimming in the murky depths of rumors, lies, half-truths and innuendos that pervade our industry. He (The Chrome Lizard is male, we think…who wants to look?) manages to survive the slime of the cesspool in which he resides to deliver the latest gossip in a truly unique fashion. In short, The Chrome Lizard is a beast!
While the rest of the staff is concerned with objective professionalism, The Chrome Lizard could care less. He is mostly interested in causing trouble. And he succeeds very well.
Six years ago, when I became program director of Network 40, I thought it important to have an outlet for the “stories†that light the fires beneath the radio and record industries. In a business built on communication, the people in records and radio are adept at talking. Nothing is more important than the “latest†buzz on the street. More often than not, rumors become truth in our business. Once people begin talking about something, it’s hard to believe it isn’t a great idea…especially because so many people are talking about it!
It was evident Network 40 needed some kind of outlet for this talk, but I had no idea how to accomplish this daunting task. I certainly couldn’t write a gossip column. I must maintain my intellectual status. How could I disappoint my readers by stooping to gossip? Besides, advertising could be cancelled. It couldn’t be trusted to a member of my staff. What if one of them go angry at me and started vicious rumors about my demise? I was at an impasse.
Only two people remain from the staff meeting years ago when The Chrome Lizard became a reality…myself and Kristen Guarino. It was a dark and stormy night. An evil moon glowed behind the clouds. Thunder rumbled in the distance. We were struggling with an answer to the question of who would write a gossip column for the outstanding, journalistic entity called Network 40 when suddenly, like magic, The Chrome Lizard appeared. He didn’t make any promises. He proffered no resume. None was needed. We didn’t know who he was (and still don’t…his identity is a closely guarded secret), but we all knew he was the one.
Over the years, The Chrome Lizard has become the prophet of gossip, rumors and lies about people and policies in our business…not to mention some over-the-line nude pictures that he managed to slip by the censors.
He’s titillated the tastes of the masses, damaged the careers of the inept, praised the deserving and cost Network 40 thousands of dollars in revenue. He’s more than an icon…he’s the shit.
In recent months, The Chrome Lizard has become unruly. He’s extremely dissatisfied about the censorship of his column and pissed off over the lack of nudity on his special page.
Being a lizard of the ‘90s, he’s taken matters into his own hands…er, claws. Although it’s hard for him to speed across a keyboard with those webbed fingers, The Chrome Lizard has taken to the information super-slime-way with a vengeance.
The Chrome Lizard now has his own web page. It’s possible to instantly access the latest gossip about the radio and record industries by merely jumping on the Internet at www.page6.net. Not only can you find the latest rumors rumbling through our industries, but the nude pictures are way over the line! The Chrome Lizard even has a way for you to post your own lies.
Want to share…without having your name attached? Do you have inside information? Are you angry at someone and want to strike back? Pape6.net gives you the forum.
Don’t be left out. Find out what’s happening instantly by becoming a personal confidant of The Chrome Lizard at www.page6.net. This website isn’t like any other. You wont’ find the usual industry publicity releases. It’s just the dirt, baby.
And by the way, if you’re a client and www.page6.net shares something bad about you, don’t blame me. I’ve got nothing to do with it.
I don’t even know the lizard.