Month: June 1993

Satanic Books

6/25/1993

Long ago and far away, an idea was born. Radio, with no knowledge of what the future would bring, fed and nurtured this concept. Little did we know that we were creating a monster. The monster grew to dinosauric proportions until it controlled and threatened our professional lives. Jurassic Park? Nope.

Arbitron.

The fact that radio spends untold millions of dollars each year to continue a methodology that became obsolete years ago boggles the mind. But we do. Asking people to keep a diary to record their radio listening habits is ridiculous. Daring to suggest that the information recorded is even close to accurate is insane. Paying a company to provide this “research” is ridiculously insane.

With the possible exception of meteorologists who seldom get the forecasts right (but do provide some comic relief), is there another example of such a massive waste of money on information that is patently inaccurate? Other than R&R’s Parallel System, none comes to mind. Arbitron will argue that their methodology is the best available.

Bullshit.

Television, which is much more diary-friendly (it’s easier to fill in the blanks when you’re sitting down watching a long program), distrusts this type of research and is expanding their “people meter” data as quickly as possible. The Neilson ratings, which have been constantly criticized for the small sample, at least can guarantee that the people surveyed are actually watching what they sample…or at the very least that the TV is indeed turned on.

But Arbitron’s radio methodology? It’s a crapshoot at best. And you can get much better odds in Las Vegas. The methodology is inept. The sample, however, makes the methodology look positively pristine. How many of your friends have ever been asked to participate in an Arbitron survey? Have you met someone who has been a part of one? Distance yourself from your vocation for a second and think about whether or not you would participate if asked.

Arbitron could better screen their participants by asking one question. Do you have a life? If the answer is no, then they would make the perfect diary recipient.

Let’s just pretend the following “example” is accurate:

Foregoing the difficult screening process Arbitron uses to select participants (“You’ll do it? Oh, thank God.”), let’s say that Mom has agreed to play along. She’s also volunteered for her family. Besides her, there’s Dad, a 20-year-old son who’s home from college, a 17-year-old daughter who is a senior in high school, another daughter who just turned 13 and the grandfather, who is 65.

On Thursday, Mom reminds everyone to fill out their diary. Dad mumbles something about having to make a living and tosses his in the general direction of the trash. Mom, of course, picks it up. She’s pocketed the six dollars already and feels obligated. The son tells anyone who will listen that it is another form of “Big Brother” and an attempt by a sinister government organization to censor his mind. The 17-year-old things it’s cool and can’t wait to tell her friends. The 13-year-old will fill hers out meticulously because it’s the first time in her life anyone has asked her opinion about anything. Grandpa sits down in front of the radio after the family leaves and carefully outlines his listening habits, making many comments in the space provided. The fact that he normally never listens to the radio doesn’t matter. He has nothing else to do and this is like working again. He’s missed that part of his life since his retirement.

Friday comes. Mom and Dad leave for a weekend trip. The diaries remain at home. The son is already out of the mix. The high school senior has dates Friday and Saturday nights and will spend the daytime hours water skiing at the lake. The youngest and the oldest continue to record their listening habits.

The following Thursday, Mom is reminded to return the diaries. She panics. She has forgotten the promise she made the week before. But she already spent the money. And then what happens?

If she works, she probably asks her co-workers what radio station is playing in the office. She then writes in her diary that she listened to that station during her working hours. She asks Dad if he filled his out. He curses and turns on the ballgame. The son is out casing a nearby 7-11 store and his oldest sister is with him. Mom either copies what she’s written in their diaries or (more likely) gives the diaries to the youngest daughter or Grandpa and has them copy their listening habits. Then she mails them back with a clear conscience.

Absurd? Hardly.

Exaggerated? Only a little.

The radio industry (and by association, the record industry) is being held hostage by Arbitron’s methodology. And we compound the mistake by paying them for it.

The fish are in the trees.

If every radio station put the money it spends on Arbitron in a trust account and gave the NAB a mandate to come up with a better system, it could be done simpler, more accurately and cheaper. With that money, we could cross-reference a telephone, diary and personal interview system. Or we could develop an electronic monitoring system. BDS does it for airplay. If that’s an invasion of privacy, we could get the cooperation from households that would allow their homes and cars to be digitized to detect radio listening. Or we could research other avenues that would be even more accurate.

So why don’t we?

Bing!

X-Rated

6/11/1993

There was an interesting article in a recent edition of USA Today. The feature outlined the difficulties facing the advertising community in effectively reaching the new demographic where everybody loves to hate: Generation X.

Putting aside any ill feelings one has for the typical dreck Madison Avenue shoves down our throats, the fact is that radio, like every other business entity in this country, has suddenly come to the realization that (1) many of the 47 million 17-28-year-olds have credit cards and most importantly, (2) they know how to use them. Make no mistake about it: with a spending power of $125 billion, Generation X is the “in” demo cell of the day. So it makes perfect business sense for programmers to curry the “X Factor’s” interest and favor.

The USA Today piece claims that attracting the baby busters is anything but easy, as Madison Avenue is quickly finding out. “There’s no question we ain’t got it right yet,” one ad man admits in the story. “It’s the same mistake advertisers made when they first discovered working women, portraying everyone in a business suit and carrying a briefcase. All of a sudden, Generation X is speaking obnoxiously and wearing a baseball cap turned sideways. Thinking they’re all the same is a deadly mistake.”

What becomes a Generation X’er the most? To reiterate what others have noted in the past, they are a contradictory species. Just as many are unemployed as are on a career track. Some are optimistic; others cynical. Unlike the baby boomers, the X-clan doesn’t believe that they’ll get their share of the American dream. For every B-buster full of rebellion, another one has angst in his/her pants. (The preceding pun courtesy of the Mael room.) Worst of all, generally they hate being stereotyped.

Adds another ad man, “It’s incredibly difficult to get under their radar. They’ve been so saturated with ads that they almost tune out everything. The know they’re being sold to and most want nothing to do with it.” From that, the writer concludes, “It’s no wonder one of X’ers’ favorite musical groups is the Spin Doctors.”

No, we don’t know what that means, either…except to convince us that the USA Today writer knows not of what he reports.

A prime example of advertising missing the boat is the Subaru Impreza TV spot, one that was produced specifically X-rated for the psychographic. The commercial has a hyper, 20-something dweeb favorably comparing the new Impreza to Punk Rock. Just like the way Punk Rock woke up the music scene, he postulates, the Impreza is waking up the doldrums of the car scene. Uh huh. Reportedly, sales of the car are 50% below target.

So the Generation X’ers didn’t like the commercial…who the hell did? Outside of the fact that no one in their right mind would buy dental floss from that guy, let alone a $10,000 car, the whole message is blatantly false. Now we realize that the phrase “truth in advertising” carries as much significance as “military intelligence” and “we’re considering if for next week,” but Impreza Geek would have a more convincing line if he said it was God’s favorite car.

Fact: Punk Rock wasn’t greeted as a refreshing change of pace when it first hit back in the late ’70s. Except for a small, vocal minority, the music business in general and radio in particular hated Punk Rock. The EBS spots got more rotations than all the pre-’80s Punk Rock songs put together. It wasn’t until Nirvana hit that Mainstream radio realized it was safe for Top 40…and only by calling it “Grunge Rock.”

Nevertheless, as a public service, The Network Forty has a few hints in dealing with Generation X, since over half of our staff is that age. But regard these with a few thousand grains of salt. Only half of the half agree that these hints are accurate. The other half…the apathetic and arbitrary ones…either didn’t cared or denied everything. So, some of the do’s could be don’ts to half your listeners…or vice versa.

Liners: The key to remember is that you can’t impress a Gen X’er with boasts of “more music” and “less talk.” Do: “Coming up, one of my favorite new cuts…” But you have to mean it. Don’t: Next up, another 10-in-a-row.” By and large, this audience is interested in specifics, not vague generalities.

Slogan: Above all, an effective GX slogan must exhibit the proper attitude…highly suspicious and very anti-cutesy. GX doesn’t mind being dissed if it’s done with a certain amount of class. Do: “WGNX, The Sound of One Ear Listening.” Don’t: “WGNX, Eat Shit and Die.” A bit too much.

Air Personalities: This is the easiest to figure. As Impreza Putz vividly illustrated, you can’t be the hyper, uptempo, weasel heard on many stations after dark. On the other hand, the cut-but-teasing, naughty-but-nice, won’t-you-be-my-neighbor mid-day jock won’t fly either. Above all, the talent must be into the music. They have to be knowledgeable. The audience will quickly know if they aren’t and will tune them out. However, if they connect, they’ll be there constantly. Do: “I’ve got free tickets to see Pearl Jam and I’ll sell them to the 3rd caller.” Don’t: “I have free tickets to see Pearl Jam and I hear she sings real good.”

Mix Shows: In this case, it’s not how the songs are mixed, it’s how they’re edited that counts. Some great music will alienate the GX listener, so some major revisions are in order. Do: Re-edit the Who’s “My Generation” so Roger Daltrey sings, “I hope you die before I get old.” Don’t: Play anything that’s a House or Dance Mix, unless you’ve learned the art of scratching CDs.

Contesting: A GX listener would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than participate in a “53rd caller wins tickets” ploy. Also remember, this generation can read and write. They will participate heavily in “write in” contests as long as you ask them their opinion, not just their name on a postcard or fax. A savvy promo whiz has to consider their individualistic, distrustful nature in staging events. Do it for a cause, not just to win a prize. Helpful hint: Anything related to ecology will work big. Do: a promotion where the winners get to have their favorite trees planted at their house or in front of their apartment. Don’t: Boast that all the drummers who play on the records you broadcast use drumsticks made from trees that died a natural death.

That’s just a few ideas that may or may not work. This generation makes us think. Interestingly enough, they are ever-changing and they will not fall for the same old same old. Innovation, thought and genuine care will produce a bonanza. What’s out today may very well be in tomorrow, so don’t throw anything away. Tomorrow, you may well ue it for the landfills of their minds.

“Bell-bottom blues, you made me cry…”