Month: January 2013

4/30/1999

A hundred or so of my close, personal friends surprised me last Saturday on the anniversary of my 50th birthday. It was a wonderfully disgusting exhibit of overindulgence… a perfect example of the Hollywood atmosphere that sometimes pervades both my professional and personal life.  It was definitely the party of the season, despite the fact that it was held in my honor.  There was expensive champagne and hors d’oeurves served by tall, mysterious Asian men who bowed and smiled and said “Yes sir,” and “Right away, ma’am.”  Indirect lightening shot lasers of strobes from the assorted diamonds, baubles and beads adorning the heads, shoulders and the occasional tooth of those in attendance.

And those in attendance were the creme de la creme.  Hell, most of my friends are never on the “A” list of parties, so all walked tall and haughty with their chests thrown out, pleased to be recognized (if only for this one night) as a part of the chosen.

It was freakdom at its finest.  There were ruby lips and shapely hips, powders and poofs and everything loose, glistening eyes and shimmering thighs, deep tans and pales, eyeliner, rouge and fake fingernails.

And then there were the ladies.

it was a glorious evening right out of the ’80s.  A step back in time when, for one night only, Disco reigned supreme and I could dance.  We did everything, all the time and I didn’t hate anybody.

What a night.

How do I feel at 50?  No different than at 49 or 40 or 30 for that matter.  How am I perceived at 50?  There’s a question you must ask yourself.  What do you think of me? (By the way, you can keep all negative opinions to yourself.)

In our business, perception is reality.  Although it’s an easy cop out to use, age has nothing to do with it.  (You generally find people who say, “Age has nothing to do with it,’ as being young or old…never in the middle.)  It wasn’t long ago when I was the youngest, most successful programmer the world knew.  I was always the new kid…always the baby in the group.

Now, I’m surrounded by a group of people who look at the Gold records on my wall and say, “Hey, that was my mother’s favorite group.”  (That’s right, bitch.  I broke “Double Dutch Bus!”)

Worry not, I also have Goo Goo Dolls and Eagle-Eye Cherry on the hardware on the walls.  And not a week goes by when I don’t remind my staff who was the first person to quote, “When you come to my town…bow down.”

It wasn’t so long ago that I remember the “new” format that was to replace Top 40.  Alternative was the “be all and end all” and if you weren’t 20-something with a shaved head, an earring and a tattoo, you were  (God forbid) “Old School.”

Suddenly, anyone with 10 years of experience is “Old School.”  It is said with distaste and a rolling of the eyes by the post pubescent posers in radio and records.

It didn’t take long for that circle to become full.  With ratings free falling like Tom Petty’s old tune and record revenues going south, a return to the glory days was championed by those who who had, “Been there, done that” and were doing it again.  “Old School” is back in vogue.  Just in time for my 50th.

The truth is, age has nothing to do with anything except senior citizen discounts.  It isn’t how many, but how much.  Those who criticize the older people in our business are too stupid to realize there is a reason why we got here.  I’ve heard people referring to others in our business (and probably me behind my back) as an old fool.

Trust me.  You don’t get old by being a fool.  There are a lot young guys whose careers are dead as a doornail.

There are plenty of people who are younger in years than me who “retired” from our business because they couldn’t keep up.  Another group of guys older than me are still going strong.  Age has nothing to do with it.  People say that to continue to be successful in our industry, we must stay young.  That isn’t the case.  And besides, it’s impossible.  Hey, I know I still look good, but I don’t look young.To continue to succeed in this business, you have to stay current.

No matter what your age, you must constantly reinvent yourself or you will become a recurrent, then a Power Gold and finally, off the playlist.  Once you’re off, you won’t get back on without a remake.  If you aren’t moving forward, you’re falling behind.  There’s no staying the same in our business.

So, how does it feel to be 50?  I was walking with my daughters last month in Las Vegas when I saw my image in a mirror and did a double-take.

I’ve grown up to be what I most admired when I was younger: A good looking, older man with money…and two young, beautiful women on his arm.

1/29/1999

It was over one of those infamous dinners at The Palm last week that we were discussing the various ramifications of the Universal/PolyGram merger.  Little else has been on the minds of those in the industry.  Perhaps the most painful time in anyone’s professional existence is that spent waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I’ve never really fully understood that expression.  What does a shoe have to do with losing your job?  Anyhow, whether or not you agree with the analogy, most of us know the feeling.

More people were “let go” in the music business last week than in any other time in our history.  Four labels lost their independence:  A&M, Geffen, Island and Motown.  500 people were given pink slips.

Ouch.

There are two kinds of people in our business: those who have jobs and those who don’t have jobs.  No other classes.  So, right now, you fall into one f the two categories:  You’re in or you’re out.

If you’re reading this Editorial, you probably still have a job.  If you were fired last week, there’s a good chance you aren’t getting the magazine.  Because we’re mostly radio people here at Network 40, we try and get the magazine to those who lose their jobs.  We’ve been there before…often.  We know it’s important to keep a hand on the lifeline, no matter how tenuous the hold.  But last week’s terminations were so vast that it has been hard for us to input the new addresses of friends who now have no offices.

Because so many people find themselves out of jobs today, we’re dedicating this issue to the problem.  Our feature focuses on those who are out of work and ideas on how to get back to work.  Hopefully, everyone will find something to take with them.

If you have a job, now is the time to reach out to those who are in need.  All research tells us that the stress of losing a job is second only to the death of a family member.  No matter what the circumstances, getting blown out is traumatic.  You must be supportive of those less fortunate than you.

You need to be supportive for two reasons:  Number one, your friends need your help, and, number two, it will happen to you.  If you are arrogant enough to believe you will never be fired, get ready.  Your demise is probably already being plotted.

If you have bee loaded in the cannon and blown out…don’t freak.  Although being fired is a shock, the effects soon wear off and an equilibrium can be maintained.  You’ve lost your job, not an appendage.   Jobs can be replaced.

The first thing that generally happens after being terminated is a loss of self esteem.  You think of yourself as a failure.  Your ego takes a tremendous beating.  In our business, these feelings will work to make you a better person.  Chances are, your ego was out  of control.  Maybe you were thinking too much of yourself.  It happens to all of us.

In the case of the latest layoffs, there probably wasn’t a whole lot you could have done to save your job.  It wasn’t like you got a warning.  You were probably laid off because of numbers.

The fact that it wasn’t personal doesn’t make it any less painful.  Although one tends to wallow in the pool of self-pity after being fired, you must eventually raise your head and know there is life after termination.  As a matter of fact, being fired is less a black mark today than ever before.  It’s more like a badge of courage…a combat ribbon to be bragged about during late-night conversations with your peers at a bar.

There’s no stigma attached to termination like in your parents’ days.  Most everyone in our business has taken gas at one time or another and have not only survived the ordeal, but profited from it.

Are you feeling particularly sorry for yourself right now because you’ve been fired?  Do you find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel?  Consider the group you’ve joined.  Check the list of people in our business who have either been fired or forced out of the business at one time or another and have since returned…with a vengeance.  You’ll find the club isn’t that exclusive.

Mo Ostin, Clive Davis, David Geffen, Doug Morris, Richard Palmese, Burt Baumgartner, Craig Lambert, Bruce Tennenbaum, Ron Geslin, Ray Anderson, John Boulos, Ken Lane, Mark Gorlick, Time Burris, Chris Lopes, Marc Ratner, Denise George, Johny Coppola, Ray Carlton, Vicki Leben, Linda Murdock and Felicia Swerling…just to name a few.

That’s not had company.  They’re all great people who succeeded in spite of the loss of a job…or in many cases, because of it.  So will you.

If you’ve been fired, don’t be too down.  If you’ve got a job, don’t be too high.  Remember: Ain’t never a horse that couldn’t be rode and never a rider that couldn’t be throwed.

February 11th, 2000

Sometimes my audience fools me by reading the Commentaries.  Other times they fool me more by proving they can write a response.  This is one of those times.  Evidently, the last two Commentaries dealing with the change of times in our industry rang a few bells.  The readers write:

Dear Gerry,
Now, try convincing those executives that buried themselves in their own call sheets for 20 years…rising up the ladders…only to find that they did not think outside of the box ONE TIME during all those years….(alternately, there are many DID/DO and will benefit from it).

Leverage acts, big money and proven hits are still crucial tools and those who have them WILL survive to a point.  However, charming personalities and nose to the grindstone work ethic doesn’t always pull off the result anymore.  Bottom line doesn’t care much about personality.

Entrepreneurial thinking is what got most of the real successful people in business where they are….thinking outside the box is the only way to go in ANY business.

It’s a very scary time, but also exciting for those who want to view it as an opportunity rather than doom..those who want to stop clutching on their big offices for dear life and start thinking anew.

The problem is there are a lot of highly paid mouths to feed and thinking outside the box is very, very scary for some people…or a luxury they can’t afford themselves…until they are eventually left with no choice.  And how can you balme them , really.  The times ARE a changin’, indeed.

Just my opinion.  Everybody’s got one.

Cathy Burke
Blackbird Records

(Yeah, Cathy, but yours is generally better than everybody else’s!)

Dear Gerry,
“With one click, you accomplish demand, supply and fulfillment.”  Great editorial.  As my little brother, Shaggy (Network 40 Managing Editor Gregg La Gambina), will attest, this is a subject with which I am obsessed.

i have one thought with regard to the above quote.  I realize you are speaking abstractly, but I believe the demand portion will of the economic cycle will remain at the mercy of the traditional venues, at least for now.  As with any product/service on the web, traditional marketing is still necessary because you need to draw the consumer to the site.  This is evidenced by the abundance of million dollar dot-com ads during the Super Bowl as well as the pages of colorful ads in mags like Red Herring and Business 2.0, et al.  Even magazines specifically targeting the denziens of e-commerce know they can’t reach everyone with traditional marketing.  Radio stations will need billboards and vans touting their web address and labels will still need touring and street teams to create demand for a CD available on their website.

If you don’t agree, feel free to take it out on my brother.

Peace,
Doug LaGambina
VP Promotion, Immortal Records
(Peace? You call yourself cutting edge, but use an outdated ‘70s term as your salutation? et al? You’re lamer than your brother.)

Cags,

Are you sure you’re money is where your mouth is?  Since the AOL/Time Warner/EMI mergers, et al, here are some more you can expect to see:

Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Keebler Crackers become Polly Warner Crackers.

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fukker Brush and W.R Grace merge to become hale Mary Fuller Grace.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price become Deere Abi. 

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota  MIning merge to become Zip Audio Do Da.  

Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil become Honey I’m home.

Denison Mines, Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.

Federal Express and UPS become Fed Up.

3m, J.C. Penny and the Canadian Opera Company become 3 Penny Opera.

Knott’s Berry farm and the National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott NOW.

Peace and Love,
Danny Buch
Sr. VP Promotion
Atlantic Records

(Hey, Danny. Not NOW! The hottest rumor is the merger between Noah’s Ark, Hits Magazine, Atlantic Records and All State. The new company? No Hits At All!)

11/13/1998

Three beginning golfers were playing a round with the head pro.  The first golfer hit his drive.  It went straight up in the air ad fell to the ground about 50 yards down the fairway.  He turned to the pro and asked, “What was wrong with that shot?”

The pro shrugged and said, “Loft.”

The radio and record industries are a wonderful world of dress-up, play-acting and make-believe.  I know of no other profession that rewards its employees as much as ours.  Don’t get me wrong.  There are many other professions that provide an opportunity to make more money…or at least as much.  Wall Street, investment banking and the medical and legal professions are just a few that provide an opportunity for extravagant prosperity.  These professions, and others like them, are filled with successful people who studied and worked hard to reach the realm of fame and fortune.  Let’s face it.  To succeed in most businesses, one has to have a great deal of knowledge.  By and large, this knowledge comes from extensive college education and training.

The radio and record business?  It’s not a part of the educational curriculum.  How many of us attended college?  How many actually graduated?  With Honors?

There is no real blueprint for achieving success in our business.  Although some colleges offer classes in radio, it’s mostly spinning records on the campus station before an audience of six.  Has anyone actually failed a radio class in college?  As far as classes on the music business are concerned, they are mainly limited to a seminar or two, lead by whatever star power the college can guilt into speaking for an hour.

Most of us get into this business because of short-term goals.  If you’re working for a record company, you probably loved music, but couldn’t sing or play an instrument.  If you’re in radio, you were probably looking to get laid.

The second golfer hit his shot.  It didn’t get airborne, but rolled down the fairway about 50 yards.  The golfer turned to the pro and asked, “What was wrong with that shot?”

Again the pro shrugged.  “Loft,” he answered.

This is not to say that we’re any less intelligent than our peers in other industries.  It just means that we don’t have exact training for this exacting job we’re asked to do.  We have nothing to fall back on when things aren’t operating smoothly.

Instead, we tend to overemphasize our success and failures.  Since we don’t know exactly what makes a record a hit or a radio station pop up a couple of points in the ratings, we accept that what happens is a direct result of our ability and work.

And boy are we quick to boast.  We’ll take all the credit and none of the blame.  It’s almost a motto.

If a program director fails to move the ratings in a book, it certainly has nothing to do with his or her ability.  That would be blasphemy.  The other station has a bigger promotion budget.  The competition spends more for talent.  The sales manager was to blame for putting too many sales promotions on the air.  The general manager was at fault for allowing too many commercials to be programmed.  It’s absolutely, positively ABM…anybody but me.

The third golfer took his place on the tee.  He squared away, stared at the ball and gave a mighty swing.  His follow-through was full and magnificent.  Unfortunately, he missed the ball,

“What was wrong with that?” the golfer whined.

The pro began waling down the fairway.  “Loft,” he muttered.

What about the promotion executive who can’t bring the record home?  It certainly isn’t his or her fault.  The programmers are to blame.  They won’t take calls.  They don’t listen to music.  They don’t get it.  Neither do the music directors.  The research is skewed.  The sales department didn’t get product in the stores.  The company didn’t allocate enough money for independents.  It’s absolutely, positively EBMF…everything but my fault.

Many of the things students learn in college are important.  The most important?  Learning to accept blame.  We’re all going to make mistakes.  It’s how we react to those mistakes that makes the difference between winners and losers.  When programmers are asked about a recent down trend, they have a myriad of excuses.  Have you ever heard anyone say, “I just screwed up.”

When records don’t make it to the top of the charts, do presidents or promotion executives ever say, “I blew it.”

Nope.  Do you know why?  Because we’re perfect.  In this dog-eat-dog business of ours, we’re all about how great we are.  We’re seldom looking to learn.  We are too busy p-and-b-ing…patting ourselves on the back and blaming others.  We might not know why it isn’t right, but we can rest assured it isn’t our fault because we’re all geniuses.

Do you want to know why we often fail?  Can you accept the truth?

One of the golfers caught up with the pro.  “Three of us just hit different tee shots, all of which were bad.  When we asked what was wrong, you told us it was loft.  How can loft be the cause of three, totally different shots?”

“Loft is the reason,” the pro said, never breaking stride.  “lack of fucking talent.”

October 8th, 1999

I read a book this weekend that struck a familiar chord, one I’ve written about before. It concerns finding out who you really are or what you do.  In our business, we become so filled with self-importance that often we can’t find our true selves…and that’s important.

The book is called “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff” by Richard Carlson.  It’s been on the best seller list.  Maybe you’ve read it.  If not, pop for the cash and read it with an open mind.  If you still have one.  One of the negatives about this business is that we fill ourselves with false information and hype so often that we begin buying into it. And once you believe what you’re saying about yourself, you’re doomed.

So, I try again to beat a drum that might dent the thick skulls of those who believe they’re better than they are, not so much to criticize, but to cause change and make those who take heed, better people.

Fat chance.

As I read the book, I thought about how positive changes in the lives of a few in our business could affect the entire industry.  I chose four specific people to aim this Editorial toward, although it’s important for all.  But specifically, these four people, two in radio and two in the record industry, could benefit most from the “helpful” hints I’ve revised (plagiarized) and included in the Editorial. However, I am sure none of those four people will ever ask me is this Editorial is about them, because they won’t believe it.  They’re perfect. Do you doubt it? Ask them.

The struggle for perfection in business and life is an endless quest that will ultimately lead to depression. Perfectionists don’t have inner peace and happiness.  The desire for everything to be perfect and the search for happiness are in direct conflict.  Too often, we focus on what is wrong, rather than being satisfied about what is right.  When your focus is on negative things, you become, by definition, a negative person.

Accept the fact that things will never be perfect.  Learn to accept imperfection.  You should seek to make everything as good as it can be, but focus on the work you’ve done toward achieving perfection rather than the end result.

We need to stop believing that laid-back people can’t be super achievers.  Too often, we make our lives and jobs more hurried and stressful to fool ourselves into believing we are more productive.  This kind of thinking and acting takes a lot of energy and can drain the creativity from our lives.  Frantic work is not good work.  Working because you’re afraid of what happens if you don’t push yourself is dangerous.  Any success that you have is despite your fear, not because of it.

One of the most important parts of our success is the level of our compassion.  It’s a sympathetic feeling, something we all need to develop.  Instead of chewing out a coworker to make ourselves feel more important,  take a moment of compassion to find out how you can help the other person in his or her position.  Understanding is the first key to communication.  And communication is the key to success.

Let others have the glory. Our greatest legacy should be teaching others to fulfill our goals.  If you can’t pass along some of your expertise to those working around you, what good are you? Or maybe you just don’t have anything to offer.

Our need for excessive attention is nothing more than inflated egos. How often are you engaged in conversations when others interrupt or try and top your story when you’re finished? How often do you do that?  What makes you feel the need to focus all the attention on yourself by telling a better story or interrupting someone to show how they’re wrong?  Is your ego so huge that you can’t allow others to get a little of the glory?

Guess what? It might come as a shock, but it’s a lead pipe cinch that you don’t know everything.  Instead of waiting until a story is finished to begin your own, try this: listen.  You might be surprised.  Even if you aren’t, you’ll make the person telling the story feel a lot better about themselves if they have your complete attention.  Isn’t that what our lives should be about? Making others feel better? Or are we so egotistical that all we care about is our own feelings?

Most of what I’ve learned has come from those around me who would seem to know the least.  When I programmed radio, listeners taught me more about programming than all the seminars and consultants who pontificated their stuffy ideas.  Local record people more often have their fingers on the pulse than those in national offices.

We should listen more and talk less.

Maybe we could learn something.  Then again, maybe not.  Why should we worry anyhow?

We’re perfect aren’t we?

9/11/1998

Asphalt shimmers in blurry waves.  Palm trees sag in listless surrender without the slightest hint of a breeze to rustle the fronds.  A tumbleweed rolls slowly through the intersection of Rodeo and Wilshire.  Beautiful people hide behind tinted windows in carefully controlled air conditioned environments.  Beverly Hills panhandlers beg for bottled water.

In one year, we’ve lived through 40 days and 40 nights of flooding rain, hailstorms, tornados, mudslides, earthquakes and fires.  The forces of nature have delivered a hellish blow of Biblical proportions.  But all this was just a warm-up for the drought that followed.  The butt cheeks of El Niño are hitting L.A. with a vengeance.

Payback is a bitch.

I should be used to the blistering heat that currently engulfs Hollywood like a giant sauna.  I am, after all, a child of the South where in the summertime, the living is easy…fish are jumping and the cotton is high.  I grew up in the Mississippi delta where the humidity and temperature made a daily race to 100 in a land so flat you could watch your dog run away for three days.

I’m now a hot child in the city.  And it’s different.  I’ve spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze mired in a funk so low it makes whale shit look like stardust.  I’ve been down so long it looks like up to me.

From the first of August through the middle of September, Los Angeles is not the place to be.  Everyone with money leaves for the beaches.  Those with none go home and abuse their families. Driving on the freeway is like being in the ring with Mike Tyson.  Everybody’s pissed off.

I take to prowling the sidewalks at midnight, searching for anything to pull me out of my manic depression.  On Monday I fell into a bar in Boys’ Town.  The bartender gave me a raised eyebrow and said, “Do you like Piña Colodas?  Making love in the rain?”  It did not cheer me up

I met my old lover on the street last night, she seemed so glad to see me I just grinned.

That was okay until she got so emotional, baby.  It didn’t take long to remember why she was my old girlfriend.

I continued my aimless wandering into the mystic.  I was looking for something, but I had no clue what.  Friends don’t help.  Emotions are funny.  When you’re in a great mood nobody is telling to get sad.  But fall into a little depression and it seems like every third person has a special formula for making you happy.

Sad songs say so much.

When I’m sad, I want to wallow in it.  Don’t try and make me smile.  And I don’t need the worry warts.  Don’t worry, baby.  Knock on wood.  I will survive.

But even I realized that I was over the edge.  This was the worst case of the droops ever.  My new name was “Mr. I Don’t Give A Damn.”  It got so bad that my kids put themselves up for adoption.  I had to find a way for Gerry to get his groove back.  Nothing from nothing leaves nothing, but you’ve got to have something if you want to be with me.

I decided to throw myself into the breach.  I would walk up to the edge of the cliff, stare down at the rocks below and determine my fate with a split-second decision.  I would step on Superman’s cape, spit into the wind, mess around with the old Lone Ranger and slap the hell out of Jim.

I walked alone into the depths of South Central at midnight on Saturday wearing black, red and blue.  This would be the test.  I would stare death in the eye.

It was too hot…to hot, baby.  The gangsters wouldn’t even come out of their houses.

I went back to my house and threw myself face down in the pool, breathing through the gills behind my ears.  I was doomed to live in a endless funk forever.   When in front of the house, there came such a clatter, I jumped out of the pool to see what was the matter.

I was struck mute. There at my front door was an angel.  She was dressed in a crazy outfit that I vaguely recognized.  It wasn’t Judy In Disguise With Glasses, but it was close.

“Hello, I love you won’t you tell me your name?”   I sang.

“Please don’t sing,” she said.  “You can’t carry a tune,”  She was right.

“I’m the 600 million dollar woman,” she continued, “and I’m selling grooves.”

“Don’t you mean the 6 million dollar woman?”  I asked.

“Adjusted for inflation,” she smiled.

“Where do I blow you up?”  I came back.

“You’re funny,” she said, “But you have a sad face.”

“I’ve lost my groove,” I frowned.

“That’s terrible,” she moaned.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for it, but I can’t seem to find it.”

She shook her hair back.  “That’s silly and a waste of time.  If you can’t find your groove, just buy another one.”

“Grooves are expensive,” I told her.  “Especially in Los Angeles.”

“That’s why I’m here,” she said.  “Hollywood isn’t the same without you.  I’ve been sent to loan you the money.”

“How will I pay you back?”  I asked.

“I’ll tell you the next time you’ve got writer’s block.  It’ll fill up another column.”

“Write on,” I grinned.

And that’s how I got my groove back.