Gerry Cagle

God’s Gift To Brain Surgery

(Interview By Jeff Silberman)

8/26/1994

“Genius” is a word that’s bandied about a lot these days. In the radio business, there are those who assign it to anyone whose station rose more than a tenth of a point in an Arbitrend. Yet to be honest, the true geniuses in this business are very few and far between. In the entire history of hit music radio, you actually can count the real programming geniuses on one hand.

Gerry Cagle is one of those fingers…to many, the biggest finger. Check out “The Long And Winding Road” on the opposite page; the man has buried more heritage stations than most PD whizzes have even dreamed about running. He has been there and done that, all with unerring insight and undeniable vision that have earned him a vaunted place in this industry. At a trade magazine. This trade magazine.

Who were the most influential people you’ve met in radio and what were the most important lessons they taught you?

Paul Drew, who is the person mot responsible for the success I had in radio, taught me how to make my whacked-out ideas work within the framework of a format. KFRC GM Pat Norman taught me to allow the people I hired to make mistakes and thereby learn rather than remain clones. And the infamous Tondelaho shared the secrets of the universe with me.

Was there at time when radio stopped being as much fun as it became a business?

Not really. Radio has always been a business; it’s just that the business has changed. Whether or not your job is fun is up to you, not the circumstances. So many people today want to hide behind the excuse that they are unable to perform because radio is such a business. I’ve got news for them. It’s always been that way. Too many programmers want to impress their superiors with their business acumen. The truth is that good PDs are artists. They aren’t hired to save money, they’re hired to make money. If you are a good business person with poor ratings, you’ll be a good business person in the unemployment line. Programmers should be proud that they have a unique ability and avoid conforming to the attitudes set by those who aren’t fortunate enough to have that vision. I’ll give you a great example. When Jerry Clifton was hired to program the RKO station in New York, he was told that he couldn’t do call-in contests. The phone company promised to shut down telephone service to any stations running such contests because there were no high-density lines in the Big Apple. Clifton ran call-in contests using pay phones in different sections of the city. That way, when phone service was shut down because of the high number of calls, his station wasn’t affected. The phone company finally relented and put in high-density lines to all stations. A good programmer will also always find a way to make what he does fun, because if it isn’t, his audience won’t enjoy it. Listeners don’t choose radio stations because it makes good business, they choose their favorites because they enjoy sharing the music and entertainment. If it ain’t fun…it ain’t happening.

Two words: “label politics.” What’s the best way to deal with it?

By dealing with it. Bill Gavin said it best: “Be nice to the people who are paid to be nice to you.” Radio has to recognize that record companies service us with product. We need to respect their needs because radio needs record companies to survive. If radio programmers would spend more time with record promoters explaining the format, restrictions and needs of their station, most relationships would improve dramatically. Good record promoters can take “no” for an answer if they understand the reasons behind the answer. By taking time to explain your philosophy beforehand, you will save time and avoid negative attitudes in the long run. PDs who haven’t got the time to spend with record company representatives should make time. It’s an important part of their business.

Where do you draw the line between legitimate promotions and add/rotation blackmail?

Simple. If you never ask a record company for favors, they have no right to ask you. If you work with record companies on certain promotions, there will be a payback.

You wrote a book called “PAYOLA.” Where did you get the inspiration for the title?

There was no inspiration. I wrote it for the money. It was fun and mostly fiction. Just like the title.

Why did you get out of radio and go into politics?

I was asked by the Governor of Mississippi to become his Chief of Staff. I thought it would be a fun, learning experience and it was. At the end of his term, elections were being held for Congress. I never really believed I would win, but how many people can say they ran for Congress of the United States? When I went across the district in a wagon pulled by a team of mules, we sealed our fate. Mississippi just wasn’t ready for such a futuristic approach.

Why did you get back into radio?

Simple. I lost the race. Otherwise, you would be calling me Congressman Cagle and I would be doing this interview with a real reporter.

With the aging money demos, can Top 40 survive programming a Mainstream mix?

That is not now, nor has it ever been, a programming problem. That’s a sales problem. In every other medium, youth is seen as a positive, not a negative. Nearly every advertisement features young, sexy images. Top 40 needs to sell that image, not campaign for the opposite. If Top 40 radio did a better job selling what it is rather than trying to be something it isn’t, revenue wouldn’t be a problem.

What are the biggest obstacles a programmer must overcome?

Politics, lust, power, money, booze and drugs…and the absence of politics, lust, power, money, booze and drugs.

In a competitive situation, does it help to take a personal fix on your rivals?

You have to identify your opposition as much as you identify your target. If you have competition in the format, you have to counter-program. You must point out the differences to your audience and make sure you benefit from the comparison.

So how important is it to play mind games on your rivals?

Before you can win with your audience, you must win within your own company…in the halls…at the water cooler. Then, as Randy Kabrich once said, “Before you can successfully program your radio station, you have to successfully program your competitor’s.” You must beat them within their operation. If they are busy talking about you, they aren’t working on their own product. The more they worry about you, the easier it is to beat them.

What are the most effective mind games to play on the competition?

Anything that makes you their focus. Not that I would ever stoop to this level, but going through their trash, finding memos, then sending one to the GM with a note attached might make them believe there is a traitor in their midst. Showing up at their promotions with something better is always fun. Any of the small things you can do to make their life miserable.

If or when the hammer falls on you, what’s the first thing you should do?

Find another nail.

How long can a person program Top 40? Is there or should there be an age limit?

Age has nothing to do with it. It’s a state-of-mind. There are 20-year-olds who are too old in their mind set to program Top 40. There are many over-50s who have what it takes. Ability is what counts.

You have the reputation for being sort of a desperado. Has that helped or hurt?

Both. I always did it my way because I have the confidence and track record to believe my way is the best. I was hired to win, period. It was, at times, chaotic and all-consuming, but it worked. I accepted no restrictions going in because I considered programming war. After the war is won, a new general is often needed to keep the peace. I found it boring. It’s a fact that ladies love outlaws, but many GMs don’t share that same emotion.

Why did you get out of radio and into publishing?

I was lucky. I managed to achieve all of my goals. I had nothing left to prove as a programmer. I wanted to do something that would combine my love of music and my relationships in the record community with my knowledge of radio programming. Network 40 provided the perfect opportunity.

Why did you pick on R&R so much?

Good programming. If Network 40 was to become the most important trade magazine, it would have to beat the number one. Because I dealt with R&R for so many years as a programmer, I knew the shortcomings from the radio side. On top of radio’s legitimate gripes about R&R’s dictatorial policies and attitude, it didn’t take long to identify the record companies’ areas of dissatisfaction. Pointing out those problems to our listeners gave them the opportunity to choose the better station.

Was it personal?

Only in the sense that R&R didn’t care about the audience they served. As I was once a part of their audience and had to survive within their dictates, I must admit it was more satisfying than if I had never been involved on that level. But as VP/GM of this magazine, I’m concerned with the success of Network 40, not the failures of others.

How should radio look at the trades? What the most good they can get out of them?

I can only speak for Network 40. I don’t read the other trades and I don’t believe anyone else should either. Network 40 operates on a very simple premise: We try to provide our listeners with information that will make their jobs easier. Everyone employed by Network 40 was in radio before they began working here. We understand the industry like no other. Network 40 serves as a published on-line system that allows our radio and record company listeners an opportunity to interact and share ideas. We work with the radio and record industries…not for either. In the coming months, our expansion will be dramatic. Thanks to our listeners, we are growing…and they are growing with us.

Any final words before we’re finished?

If you want to be a desperado, you can’t be afraid to die.

The Long And Winding Road

WRBC, Jackson                                  Program Director

WFUN, Miami                                    Air Personality

WMFJ, Daytona Beach                       Program Director

KTLK, Denver                                    Program Director

KRIZ, Phoenix                                     Program Director

WRKO, Boston                                   Program Director

KHJ, Los Angeles                               Program Director,

RKO VP Programming

KCBQ, San Diego                               Program Director

Mississippi Governor’s Office           Chief Of Staff

KFRC, San Francisco                         Operations Manager

WAPP, New York                               VP Operations

Summit Communications                     VP Programming

Y106, Orlando                                     Station Manager

TK Communications                            National PD

KWOD, Sacramento                            Station Manager

 

I Feel Pretty

8/26/1994

Since its inception, Network 40 has made subtle shifts and changes to reflect the needs of our readers. The past year has seen massive changes in our industry, both real and perceptual. The move to actual airplay in the form of Plays Per Week (first championed and debuted by Network 40 over two years ago) has virtually rewritten the rules we had become accustomed to following. The entertainment industry as a whole has had to redirect its efforts to deal with reality. As a mirror to the industry, it was obvious to us that many of these changes should be reflected in our magazine.

We’ve spent the past few months researching new and innovative ways to feature our information. During that time, we spoke with virtually all of our friends in the radio and record industries (unlike our competitors, who seem to make almost monthly revisions that best suit their needs). We asked you to help us design the best industry trade magazine available. This week’s issue debuts the changes you’ve suggested.

It starts with the cover. No, we’re not demanding that all of our cover features appear in drag…though we did discuss it. We just wanted to make sure you noticed the changes. This cover makes us impossible to miss. Future issues will feature people in the radio and record industries who are making the news. Since we depend on your thoughts and ideas, we thought it only fair to use your pictures as well.

You’ll notice the new logo design (jingle package) and the cover spread. But there’s a lot more than just rouge, lipstick and fake fingernails.

The regular features you’ve grown to know and love remain the same. You’ll still find the industry’s hottest gossip on Page 6. The Editorial, Interview, Conference Call, Station Spotlight and Promotions pages follow.

An in-depth look at music begins on Page 20. Network 40 remains the only trade magazine to spotlight new music before it comes out. You can check on records you might be considering by studying Network 40’s research across all formats. Our new A/C Chart debuts next week. This week, take a good look at all the new A/C stations in our reporter base. It’s a new section many of you have requested and we’re especially proud to debut it in this issue.

Following the A/C section is the Crossover Section, the Alternative section and a new exclusive Retail section that charts actual record sales nationwide and highlights the hottest sellers across the country. Our retail information features many outlets that aren’t a part of SoundScan. Real sales are highlighted here.

Show Prep is on Page 32. It is what it says: A feature to help prepare your talent for their air shift. We highlight different artists each week with facts your listeners will enjoy knowing. Its companion piece is “Rimshots,” whacked-out observations on the news of the weird from the cracked minds of a couple of our staffers.

Our exclusive Overnight Requests follow with listings of the most requested songs on the nation’s hottest stations along with featured night jocks, artists and the biggest Buzz records.

Our in-depth research section follows. You’ll find playlists from our hottest reporters by market size: Major, Large, Medium and Small. Then, a “Now Selling” list featuring sales charts from selected record stores across the country.

The biggest changes come next with our Spin Cycle. Here you’ll find everything you need to know about every charted record: Plays Per Week, the total number of stations playing the record, how many adds, how many drops, requests ranking and the average PPWs. Is there anything else you could possibly want? Oh, yeah, an index that lists the page number where there’s even more information on each record.

The Crunch Page is next. It’s a quick look inside the numbers, listing the Most Added records. There’s also an Accelerated Airplay Chart that shows the Top 20 records ranked by the most increased airplay of the past week.

And on the black page is the heritage part of our stats: the Mainstream Chart. It’s a compilation of the top records in the nation, ranked by Plays Per Week according to Network 40’s reporters…the most Top 40 stations of any trade.

You’ll find the new Network 40 easy to read. If you’re interested in just the facts, start with the Mainstream Chart, then work you way backwards through the Crunch Page, Spin Cycle and Playlists. If you’re interested in the features, start on page 1. Either way, you’ll find that Network 40 provides you with all the features needed to keep you informed and make your job easier.

Although the look of Network 40 has changed, our attitude hasn’t. We’re different from every other trade magazine in a lot of ways, but in once specific way that we are particularly proud of: Every person who works for Network 40 has radio experience…from the receptionists to the VP/GM. No other trade can make that statement. We don’t write about radio, we life it…and continue to live it daily with our constant networking.

We may play the music too hot, talk up every vocal and oversell from time-to-time, but it’s something everyone connected with radio and the record business can understand. It’s a personality oriented, up-tempo attitude we share with our readers and reporters.

The growth of Network 40 and the changes debuted in this issue are the culmination of literally hundreds of conversations. It would be impossible to list everyone who has contributed. It sounds trite, but we want to thank all of you.

But there’s one I must name and thank personally. Scott Shannon and I started our careers about the same time many years ago. Scott was a baby deejay in Nashville, Tennessee…I started in Jackson, Mississippi. Both stations shared the same AM frequency and when one of us forgot to lower power, we jumped on the other’s signal. A friendship somehow developed and over the years, through all the successes and failures, we’ve somehow managed to fight through our egos and tell each other the truth, even when we sometimes didn’t want to hear it. Scott’s insights have been invaluable, given without any ulterior motive except to help me succeed.

To him I give a special thanks and, in return, he will be the first of many radio people featured on our cover…after me, of course, continuing the long tradition of his futile attempts to follow in my footsteps!

By The Time I Got To…

8/19/1994

Woodstock ’94 started out a little different from the original. I was booked on that special United flight into New York…the one full of industry people wanting to be hippies just one more time. The flight was delayed, so I sat down in the padded chair in that fancy room they reserve for first class passengers. That’s when it all went to hell.

A buttoned-down steward (certainly not sporting the Woodstock look) approached me with a frown. It seems I was the only passenger in first class who hadn’t ordered the special vegetarian plate and he was worried that others might be offended at the smell of my well-done steak. I flipped him half the peace sign, closed my eyes and thought back 25 years ago.

It started out as just another balmy, breezy morning in Coconut Grove. A bunch of us were living in the park. On the beach. A stone’s throw from downtown Miami. In between my regular job as a deejay on WFUN, I told fortunes in the park. I can steal read a palm with the best of them.

I was also partly responsible for cooking the evening meal we all shared. I say partly responsible because none of us were really responsible.

Anyhow, one of my brothers (we called all of our friends brothers or sisters in those days) named John Joseph Henry Billygoat Night-timer Sweetdaddy Fox approached me grinning like a mule eating  briars.

“Pete,” he says (everyone called me Pete in those days because…aw, hell, just accept it without an explanation) “how would you like to go to Woodstock?”

I had no money. I had to work that evening. I had absolutely no idea where Woodstock was or why we should be going, so I had only one answer: “Of course.”

He waved over a thin, tender looking guy with long, stringy, blonde hair who was wearing bell-bottoms, a tie-dyed shirt, love beads and a headband with a peace sign in the middle. (Weren’t we all?)

“This is Electric Brian,” Sweetdaddy said.

I gave him half-a-dozen of the handshakes that were in vogue at the time, finishing with the two-palmed clasp that showed I really meant it.

“Hey, man,” I asked, “where’s Woodstock?” In those days I wasn’t afraid to make a fool out of myself by not knowing everything.

Electric Brian gave me a thousand-mile stare. “It’s where Bob Dylan lives, man.”

I said, “Far out.” Could I have really had any other response?

I chugged the cup of herbal tea Sweetdaddy offered and asked, “Who’s going?”

“Me, you and Gappy Lucy. Brian’s paying for all of us.”

“Far out.”

Gappy Lucy got her nickname because one of her front teeth was false. When she got stoned, she would take the tooth out and put a cigarette in its place. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

When Sweetdaddy asked me how I liked the tea, I should have known things were about to get really twisted. You see, in those days, I was determined to keep my body and mind pure and clean and refused to do any drugs. My brothers and sisters were constantly trying to get me high and I should have heard a warning signal. But I didn’t. I guess I was too pure.

We jumped into Gappy’s VW van and headed for the airport. About half-way there, we ran out of gas. I’m pretty sure we became the first people attending Woodstock to abandon a vehicle on the side of the road and continue walking.

Inside the terminal, Electric Brian asked us what airline we’d like to fly, but I couldn’t answer. I was too busy dodging the giant winged alligators that materialized out of nowhere and were dive-bombing my head. I started to ask Sweetdaddy if he saw the alligators, but he looked to peaceful. I decided to wait. I knew he would see them soon enough.

When Electric Brian got us four seats on Bahamian Airlines, I should have said something. I had found out that Woodstock was in New York and I was pretty sure that New York wasn’t in the Bahamas, but I was too busy trying not to step on the snakes that were gathering at my feet. At least the alligators had disappeared.

The flight seemed to take only a few minutes, but I really can’t be sure as I was definitely not into space and time. I managed to gulp another cup of herbal tea and stepped down the stairs into a tropical paradise.

“I don’t know Woodstock was this beautiful,” Gappy said.

Sweetdaddy told her Bob Dylan lived there. I didn’t know what that had to do with anything and didn’t care. The alligators were back and they had turned nasty.

Somehow we made it to the hotel, though I never remembered the room. Electric Brian kept pulling out his credit card to pay for everything. I spent two days and nights in a hammock by the pool, drinking rum and pineapple juice…and more herbal tea. I really couldn’t leave the pool area. I was the only one who could see the giant octopus and keep it away from the children, though as time went on, the tourist families began to give us a wide berth.

I met John and Yoko. I asked him how he liked Woodstock. He said he didn’t really know and I thought that was cool. What was cooler was that he also saw the flying alligators.

By midnight of the second day, I began to wonder where all the bands were, but it really didn’t matter by then. Gappy Lucy had scared some children when she accidentally dropped her tooth off the diving board. Sweetdaddy took one of those kerosene tiki torches to try and illuminate the bottom. He lost his footing, fell in and set the pool on fire.

Electric Brian thought it was really cool, but hotel security disagreed. At least we got a police escort to the plane. As we got off in Miami, someone from Elektra Records grabbed Electric Brian and took away his credit card. That’s when I figured out how he got his name.

It wasn’t until a year later when I saw the movie that I realized I never quite made it to Woodstock. Or maybe I did. That special herbal tea was a bitch. And I don’t know anybody who can prove I wasn’t there.

The steward tapped me on the shoulder and brought me back to the present. He said it was time for boarding and offered me some herbal tea. I changed plans and jumped the next flight to Hawaii.

Woodstock ’94? Just like the original, baby. Far out.

Sold!

8/12/1994

I got five…who’ll gimmie ten? Now ten…who’ll go twenty?

Last week, a record company needed an add at a certain radio station. That in itself isn’t unusual. It happens every week at every radio station with every record company. This particular record company will remain nameless, but it could be just about any company. The radio station? Nameless as well, although it, too, could be just about any station.

So, the record company wants this record added. And the program director wants a promotion.

I got your twenty…now who’ll give me thirty?

The record company wants…needs the record added, so a promotion is offered going in. The promotion person is feeling confident. His record is good. There are others with more strength, but it’s not as if he’s pushing a dog. And he’s got the war chest combination. There won’t be much negotiation. He’s been given the goods to get the add.

No problem.

We’ve got a thousand dollar bid! Now who’ll gimmie twelve-fifty?

The program director wants a promotion? It’s easy. The first offer will knock him on his ass.

“How about two tickets plus airfare, lodging and expenses to see Woodstock II?” the record promoter proudly offers.

The PD’s answer is nonchalant. “I’ve already got that.”

Problem.

Fifteen hundred…who’ll give me two grand?

The record promoter, although a bit put off, recovers quickly. He does, after all, represent a major label. He has promotions to give.

“How about,” he offers, “four tickets, plus airfare, hotel accommodations and spending money to Woodstock II?”

The answer is still nonchalant, though maybe a little irritated. “I’ve already got that for eight people.”

I got two thousand now…who’ll give me three?

The record guy swallows. It’s going to be a little tougher than he initially thought, but he’s got some moves left.

“Okay, let’s send six people, all expenses paid, to t he MTV Music Awards.”

The promoter smiles tightly. No one else could come up with that many tickets to the show. He had a lock. Absolutely. Positively. Without question. Probably. Maybe. He hoped.

“Aw, man,” the program director says, “I’ve had ten of those tickets since the middle of the summer. I need something really big.”

I’ve got four…now let’s take a jump. Anybody give me ten? Have I got a ten thousand dollar bid?”

A fine layer of sweat coats the upper lip of the record promoter. The confidence he once felt is long gone.

“Well, ah,” he stammers, “what did you have in mind?”

“How about a trip around the world?” comes the quick answer. “Let’s make it for two weeks with stops at all the major cities.”

The promoter’s tongue is thick. The thin layer of perspiration now turns into a heavy flop sweat. “Can I put you on hold for a second? I’ll have to check with my boss on this one.”

“Sure,” replies the PD. “I’ve got another call coming in now anyhow.”

It only takes the promoter ninety seconds to get his boss on the phone and get is approval…and feel his anger. But it is done. He punches back to the radio station.

“Okay, we’ll do it.”

“Hey, man, I’m sorry,” says the PD. “While you were away, another company gave me the trip. Why don’t you call me back next week?”

I’ve got twenty…who’ll give me thirty?

To steal a line from the summer’s biggest movie, “God damn it, Gump, this thing is getting out of hand.”

Where will all of this end? Record companies are offering more and more and radio stations are demanding even more than that. There was a time when record companies hired independent promoters to enhance a project’s worth. Now, in too many situations, they’re acting more like auctioneers.

Once upon a time, The FCC frowned on stations that accepted extraordinary promotional expenditures. Although the agency has turned its head away from the practice of “promotional consideration” in most instances, it hasn’t changed its policy. At any minute, the agency could reverse its stance and many stations could suffer sever recriminations.

Is a radio station wrong to consider promotions offered by record companies? Nope. Are record companies wrong to offer promotions? Nope. If a record company offers promotions that can possibly directly enhance an artist’s growth with a radio station’s audience, nothing sinister can be attributed to the offer. However, we’re stretching that maxim to a breaking point.

Bringing the group in for a station promotion or flying listeners to see the group in concert is one thing. Other promotions and trips that aren’t related to a group (except to buy the record onto the playlist) are dangerous and the long-term consequences could definitely outweigh the short-term gains.

What would happen if every record company stopped offering wild, expensive promotions? What would happen if radio stations had to consider each record based solely on merit?

Scary. For both radio and records.

It’s something that has to happen. The system as it is today is out of control. Will the FCC have to get involved to bring order back to the chaos?

Most major radio companies see the flaws in the present system and understand that the license of a station is worth far more than any promotion.

As a matter of good programming, you should be careful. There is a thin line between asking for promotional support for a record that fits with your programming philosophy and playing a record that doesn’t fit because of a promotion.

I’ve got fifty…who’ll make it seventy-five?

You say you would never do that? You would never prostitute yourself or your radio station? If you ask form promotions with each record add, you’ve already established what you are…the record promoters are just negotiating the price.

Sold!

Golfing

8/5/1994

It’s that time of year again, although lately, almost any time of years is that time of year. Again.

I’m referring to the T.J. Martell Golf Tournament. Actually, the official name of the round-up of the usual suspects is something much more sophisticated, but to most of us, it’s the Martell Golf Tournament.

And that’s what has me hot.

Not the charity, mind you. The T.J. Martel Foundation is supported by our industry like none other…and rightfully so. It’s the golf tournament…or more accurately, the size of the golf tournament that is out of control.

Let me put it to you in a way you can understand. There are too many radio and record people playing golf. Years ago, the golf tournament was conceived by a few die-hard hackers who weren’t into the bowling that was the major feature of the fund raiser. That first year, they were hard-pressed to come up with six groups.

Now? Forget about it.

There are at least two groups of five teeing it up on each hole. And two tournaments: One begins at 7:30 am, the other at 1 pm.

And it’s getting like this every day on every golf course.

I have only myself to blame. Along with a few others who share my grief and pain.

Once upon a time, there was space available for anyone who wanted to play. You could tee it up almost anywhere for about $20 weekdays and $50 on the weekend. But there were few people to play with. Plenty of old men in funny clothes, but none who could relate to what you were all about. So those of us who played began trying to convince others in our business to take it up. That was our biggest mistake. We were too successful. Not at golf. At getting others to try it. The industry fell in love with the game with a vengeance.

Time was, a good rock-and-roller wouldn’t be caught dead on a golf course. Now, half of them have their own tournaments. This year, no less than Eddie Van Halen hosted his own. And the tattooed arms of Motley Crue, Alice Cooper, Judas Priest and other hard rockers book their tours around the availability of golf courses near the venues at which they play.

No wonder Ben Hogan hung it up.

I taught a lot of people in our business the game. It was born of necessity. I had to have someone to pay. I’m sure others will claim that they wee in the same line, but I believe that I (along with Clay Gish) was the first to play golf for adds. I even recall the first record bet I lost. I took on Bob Garland, then of Columbian Records, for “We Just Disagree” by Dave Mason. If I had made par on the 18th hole, the song might have never made it.

Golf has been a large part of my life…and my business. I was taught in Mississippi by my father, who refused to buy me golf shoes until I beat him playing barefoot. He also made me shoot 40 on the front side with one club before he would get me a full set. (My favorite bet is to play nine with one club and no shoes!) My dad also taught me at an early age to control my temper. The first time I hat a bad shot and threw my club, he fired his 5-iron at my knees from about 20 feet. I still walk with a slight limp, but haven’t tossed a club since.

Growing up in the South, I learned to gamble on the game. Naturally, I passed this along. Nassau, Automatic 2 Downs, Air Press, Rabbit, Captain, Pirate, Skins, Hammer and Pingo, Pango, Pongo just to name a few. I also learned the needle. In golf, you aren’t supposed to talk when your opponent is hitting. In the South, you can jabber right up to impact. Some of the most common phrases in the entertainment foursomes? Heidi Fleiss (a hook, as in hooker), O.J. (slice), Billy Martin (a dead Yank), Linda Rondstadt (a ball that flies past another on the fairway is in “Blue Bayou”…blew by you), “Help Me Rhonda” (or any other Beach Boy song, meaning the ball landed in a sand trap), Obi Wan Kanobe (out of bounds…O.B.), Jethro Tull (in the water…from “Aqualung”), etc.

I believe I first met Bob Garland, Bruce Hix, Sammy Alfano, Bill Richards, Todd Cavanaugh, Rick Gillette, Justin Fontaine, David Leach, Jerry Dean and John Brody playing golf. And it’s a lead-pipe cinch I’ve had some down-to-the-wire finishes with these and more, including Les Garland, Rick Dees, Al Coury, Bill Pfordresher, Jim Burruss, Steve Smith, Michael Prince and Rocky.

I must admit I got a lot of people to take up the game, including Burt Baumgartner. He was an LPM in San Francisco when I programmed KFRC (back when it meant something). I insisted on golf games on Tuesday mornings and didn’t give out the adds until the turn.

I’m even responsible for the impossible: Getting Network Forty publisher Gary Bird hooked. So far, Gary’s favorite club is his “fore” iron, but he’s coming along.

Golf has shown me a lot of great times. Playing in the snow with Jim Parsons in Tahoe; making an eagle on 18 at Calabassas with Gar-Man to keep a decade-long string of ties alive; making my first hole-in-one in the presence of Dave Urso (his first visit to a golf course) and hearing him nonchalantly say, “Nice shot;” chipping out of the scorers’ tent at the L.A. Open to within three feet of the pin as the gallery roared (I missed the putt), seeing Bill Thompson throw his club into a tree and watching it stay there; meeting John Wayne in the Lakeside locker room; witnessing Hix choke the club pro for putting another group in front of us; Rocky running his cart into the tree at Pebble Beach and watching Burt and his famous “pudge” shoot that nearly killed Dutch in a sand trap.

My greatest joy was beating Kid Leo out of a free set of golf clubs on the last shot of the day in the “closest to the pin” contest at last year’s Martell. Also starting the “Kind of Annual Gerry Peterson Memorial” 18 years ago when I changed my air name. The third one is coming up in a month if I can find anyone to pop for the T-shirts.

But all these stories bring me back to the original problem: There are too many people in our business playing golf. It’s damned near impossible to get a tee-time in Los Angeles because of you people who wear bright shirts and plaid pants and shoot 150 with a mulligan after every shot. Can’t some of you go back to tennis?

Fore!