Category Archives: Commentaries

Adjust The Monitor

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10/11/1996

The master of the manor managed a slight smile.  He even allowed himself to feel a small measure of pride as he gazed around the land claimed for decades by his heritage.  It had been five years since the battle that had brought down the evil King and chased the dragons from the land.  The master and others had managed to reclaim their heritage and define their futures as they saw fit.  The freedom was invigorating…creating an almost drug-like feeling of euphoria.

He called to his son and the two of them began a careful walk across the front of the property.  Everywhere there were signs of the great war.  Gaping holes in the earth gave proof to the powerful weapons of destruction that had been unleashed.  Acres and acres of parched earth were only now allowing the occasional blade of bright, green grass to point toward the sun.  The glistening white bones of those who gave their all were now gardens for flowers to grow.

The master patted his son on the head.  “Things have changed, haven’t they?”

As the boy looked at their father with clear, blue, innocent eyes, for one brief moment in time the older man allowed himself to believe that all was well…the wars were over…no one was trying to take their freedom away…that there was a Santa Clause…that Jupiter had aligned with Mars and peace would rule the planet…but those thoughts, (like the 5th Dimension) were just golden memories.  History was just about to repeat itself.

As suddenly as the peaceful feeling descended, it was gone…replaced by a muffled thud and a great shaking of the ground.

“Earthquake, father?” the boy shouted over the roar that filled the air.

The older man fell to the grass with his son, shielding him from the certain destruction as best he could.

“No, son,” he answered, “it’s not a natural disaster.”

“What then?” the boy yelled.  “Is it Darth Vader?”

The father didn’t look up.  “Can’t be, there’s no phasing in the voice.”

“Jabba The Hut?”

The father snuck a peek.  “Although there are certain similarities, it isn’t him.”

“Joel Denver?”

“No, Joel turned his sword into a plowshare a long time ago and currently is farming within the system.”

“The Anti-Christ?”

The father looked again and what he saw turned his blood cold.  “Worse.  It’s Michael Ellis of The Monitor.”

(Cue the music…cut to the lasers…fade up on the title sequence.  “Trade Wars…The Continuing Struggle of Network 40 Against the Evils of the Dark Side…starring Gerry Cagle as Luke Sky Walker, the staff of Network 40 as the heroes of our world…programmers and music directors appear as the decent, honest people who try to fend off those who would feed of their hard work…Michael Ellis and The Monitor as the Emperor and the Forces of Evil.  The part of Chewbacca is played by Wookie.”)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, the mechanical shark is back, feasting on garbage, small children, scantily clad women and a fishing boat…diesel motors and all.

Will the forces of good and evil overcome The Dark Side?  Will Kilgo be allowed another cold beer?  Will Kristen live to appear in another Network 40 picture?  Will the world be saved?

Long ago, (okay, five or so years) in a land far, far way (okay, just over the Hollywood hills) when I began the great debate by describing R&R’s dictatorial process of assigning radio stations to a specific format based on their own confusing formula as “Satanic,” I never thought there would come a day when that stance would be surpassed by something more ridiculous.

Boy, was I wrong.

Michael Ellis looks at what history did to R&R, watches what a conceited, belligerant, holier-than-thou attitude can do and manages to get on that pig and let it rear its ugly head five years later. The Emperor has now decided that he, and he alone, will determine the format of a particular radio station. Maybe Michael and the editor of Hitz should get together and form a consulting company.

The alarming part about this decision is it doesn’t give a programmer a choice.  If R&R (or any other trade) put a station in a format the PD didn’t agree with, the PD can withhold the playlist.  The Monitor doesn’t ask stations to report.  The Monitor gets station reports through BDS.  As a PD, you have a choice.  Of course, you could refuse to talk to Michael, but when was the last time he called a programmer for input?

Would you like to know what kind of station The Monitor says you’re programming?  “A To 40/Mainstream station plays a wide variety of current music.  The most-played song on the station must be played at least 40 times per week.  Among the station’s 40 most-played songs are Rock songs and Songs from at least one of the following genres: R&B, Dance, Pop, uptempo Pop and Pop ballads.”  A Top 40/Rhythm-Crossover station “…plays a variety of current music, but no Rock.”

I guess that means KZFM, KLUC and KSFM aren’t considered Crossover stations by The Monitor since they (just to name a few) are playing Alanis Morissette.

In addition to these definitions, Michael will exclude you from reporting if you don’t meet minimum cume requirements.  (That’s comforting.  We all know how accurate those Arbitron figures are.) Also, “…some stations that would normally qualify may not be used as reporters.”

And the snake ate the baby.

Why do I care?  I rant when trade magazines…publications that exist because of radio…have people with limited programming experience dictating policies or opinions that affect those who do.  The Monitor has decided what is right for radio.

The Monitor is wrong.

Today’s radio is too nonspecific.  One can’t throw a blanket over a group and declare them the same.  Besides, no sooner does Michael create his own absolutes than exceptions have to be granted in Crossover…or the panel greatly reduced.

I humbly suggest that Michael go back to the drawing board and call Domino’s for a large pizza.

This time, get extra cheese.

Affecting Change

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5/2/1997

Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday.  (Ah, now don’t you feel bad that you didn’t get me a present?  And you wonder why I write bad things about you?)  There are two times a year that automatically bring on reflective contemplation: birthdays and the New Year.  What ever the reason, I feel compelled to take a step back and take a good look at myself and my situation.  Although this “reflective contemplation” happens to coincide with my birthday (where’s my present?), this is something I try to do more than twice a year.

I believe it to be absolutely, positively important to study ourselves if we are to continue to grow.  Otherwise, we might get the false impression that where we are is where we would like to end up.  The instant you are content with all you have is the moment you begin to lose those things you’ve struggled to attain.  We have to keep moving forward.  The absence of any forward momentum is the beginning of sliding backwards.

In our business, it’s so easy to be satisfied with where we are.  We are in the business of hype and too often we buy into what we’re selling.  With so many people paid to tell us how great we are, many times we believe what others are saying is the truth.

I admit I’m not like the average bear.  I fight complacency daily.  I try to do the simplest things differently so I won’t all into any habit of doing even the smallest things the same way.  I take a different route to the office each day, sleep on different sides of the bed, sleep in the guest bedroom, eat lunch at breakfast and vice versa.

You may think I’m crazy…you aren’t the first.  (I have been accused, but never institutionalized for any consecutive period longer than 15 days.)  I believe in the philosophy, “All change is for the better.”  Although I welcome and accept the changes that occur naturally in my life, I go one step further and try to stimulate change to make myself and my situation better…or if not better…different.

I heard someone give a recipe for changing habits and beliefs for the better and many of the ingredients have stuck with me.  I share them with you so that on your birthday…or the New Year…or when you have time, you can “taste test” them for your appetite.

As I recall the lesson…and from my life experiences with others…I find that most of us are resistant to change.  We get used to doing things one way…why change?  The old adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” might not be in our best interest.

Losing a job can be a devastating experience.  One only has to read our continuing “Hell On The Beach” or this week’s Hotline to understand what havoc the loss of a job can wreak.  It’s my philosophy (sharpened on the blade of many “termination axes”) that if we are constantly searching for changes in our lives, changes dictated by outside sources will do less damage.

Why are we so resistant to change?  Pride plays a big part.  “I don’t have to change.  I’m perfect the way I am.  I can’t get any better.”  Bullshit.

Fear is another reason.  Too many of us fear the unknown.  But don’t you have faith in yourself?  If you don’t, you need much more help than this Editorial will bring.  Faith is spelled R-I-S-K.  You build self-confidence by taking chances…by taking risks.  You can talk and pretend all you want, but until you step out and challenge your beliefs, they mean nothing.

Laziness I another reason we reject change.  It’s easy to put off actions until tomorrow.  Making changes in your life takes a commitment.  It isn’t a slam dunk.  Most people would change if they could take a pill or a quick home study course.  Those same people are too lazy to affect any change.  They’re waiting for the perfect time.  Well, there is never a perfect time.

Apathy is another reason.  Many people just don’t care enough to change.

What about you?  Are there things in your life you would like to change?  I’m not talking about smoking or drinking (although those habits should be broken), but about making positive changes in your life that will directly affect your future.  If so, let me offer the same advice that was offered to me this past week by someone who jogged my memory.

First, you must determine what you need to change. You just can’t make a broad, sweeping statement about changing your life.  You must have a vision of what you want to be, but identify the small changes you must make to begin the journey.

You also must have good information.  It’s fine to determine what changes you should make, but ask others.  By others, I mean close friends, family or mentors…not those paid to tell you how great you are.

You must accept that there are risks involved. There is an old saying, “The truth will set you free.”  Accurate, but there is a second verse, “…but first it will make you miserable.”  Don’t expect everyone to rejoice and be happy because you’ve decided to make changes.  Some will not understand and many might be hurt by your undertaking.

Once you have decided to make positive changes in your life, you must be patient.  Remember, you’re taking baby steps.  Just because you’ve decided to “be a better person” doesn’t mean all the improvements will happen overnight.  On the contrary.  Old habits are difficult to break.  It will sometimes be hard to judge your progress.  Remember it took you a long time to get where you are.

And as difficult as it is, it is just that simple. If you want to change, you can.

Remember, it isn’t where you’ve been that is important.  It’s where you’re going.

All She Wants To Do Is Dance

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8/23/1996

I don’t’ know what’s up with all of this Dance craze business.  Everywhere I go…every person I talk to seems to be hung up on the resurregence of Dance music.  It’s Dance this…Dance that…Dance…Dance…Dance.

Excuse me?  I certainly don’t get it.  There is absolutely, positively nothing in my life or vocabulary that can convince me that the Dance lifestyle…which includes music, clubs and clothing…is making a comeback.

I mean, just because WKTU in New York makes a tiny move, I’m supposed to do the Hustle? I think not.

Hey, I like The Night Life as much as anyone else.  And Heaven Knows, I’m constantly surrounded by people who have, on occasion, visited the Disco Saturday Night at the Viper Room, but me…I’m completely satisfied at the Y.M.C.A.

I’m the kind of person who isn’t effected by fads and changes in musical taste. Let’s face it: I broke all those records.  And even if Dance did make a huge comeback, I Will Survive.  I remember dancing the Last dance in 1985.  Of course, the Last Contest on KCBQ San Diego about December ’63 and it wasn’t really the last radio contest, so, Heaven Knows, if Disco didn’t really die, there is a precedent.

In our industry, there is not shortage of people who are quick to say, “Express Yourself.”  The fact that most of these same people live on or over the Borderline isn’t really important…expect to their immediate family.  Then there are those who say, “We Are Family,” referring to the entire industry.  However, we know this is bullshit, because it’s all about cash.  My girlfriend is in the record business and I can vouch for the fact that She Works Hard For Her Money.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood.  I’m the first person to swear I want to party ‘til it’s 1999.  All my friends will tell you that I love to Get Up And Boogie.  I swear I Love The Nightlife.  It’s just that all of this talk about Dance music and Disco is way too much, too soon.  Mama Used To Say that you must take things slowly and consider all sources before you make any decisions.  Of course, when Mama made her famous tuna casserole, she would say, “That’s The Way (Uh-huh, Uh-huh) I Like It.” Mama was a Dancing Queen.

It might comes as a surprise to many of you to know that I once ruled the Disco.  Yes, Columbia, Mississippi had never seen the likes of the moves I made on that slick, hardwood floor.  Long before John Travolta struck that famous pose, I was definitely in Vogue.  I’ll never forget the one moment that my world turned Upside Down.  It was the Night A DJ Saved My Life.

It was a normal evening at the Knights of Columbus Hall.  All the old vets were sitting in the parking lot, grumbling about the young people who were taking over their meeting spot.  The place was jumping…the music was pumping.  The Bad Girls were purring and my words were slurring. (Beep Beep.)

Someone said, “You Should Be Dancing,” and I was.  I was working on the great new step the Second Time Around, when I got Into The  Groove.  All My Passion began to flow.  I swear, in the depths of Mississippi, I suddenly felt like a Native New Yorker.  Suddenly, something Set It Off.  There was gun fire.  Then, there was One More Shot.

It was the one that would Ring My Bell.

My friends threw me in the back of a pickup truck to take me to the hospital.  Instead, they took me to Funky Town, where I was treated Like A Virgin.  In other words, I was touched for the very first time. Although I was a little afraid, I heard a voice shouting, “More More More.” I was Fascinated until I realized the voice was mine.

Throwing caution to the wind, I ignored my pain and decided to Get Up And Boogie.  I was Too Turned On to think about the Lucky Star that had invaded my galaxy.  I don’t know what it was, but I noticed someone shouted to Dim All The Lights.  Everybody…everybody began to Dance The Night Away.  It was Like A Prayer was answered.  Heaven Must Have Sent You From Above to Turn The Beat Around.  Billie Jean and Gloria put some Hot Stuff on my wound.  I said, “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” but they said, “Shame, Shame, Shame all you have is the Night Fever.  You better get rid of it because it’s twice as bed the Second Time Around.”

The next I knew, I was Dreamin’ Of Love.  Some Nasty Girl told me it was Ladies Night and she was going to Spank me.  We wound up at MacArthur Park.  She said, “It Takes Two.”  I didn’t want to disappoint her and let her know that it only took one, so, Knock On wood, I just Let The Music Play.  I had no idea she had Sexual Healing on her mind.

I was seconds away from being In The Bush.  I was ready to Get Into The Groove with Le Freak when I realized I was Born To Be Alive.  I felt The Power.  I was sweating like crazy.  It was, after all, Summertime, Summertime.  I heard my song On The Radio and demanded that my friends take me Right Back Where We Started From.

When I got back to the club, all I could thing of was Thank God It’s Friday.

So there you have the tale of my Bad Luck days as King of the Disco.  Hey, even if it was in a small town in Mississippi, I had happy feet and for one brief moment in time, all the girls wanted to dance with me.

There was even on big fat hillbilly that wanted to Let It Whip, but that’s another story all together.

It’s a Shame when I think back on it.  Those were the days.  It was the time of 100% Pure Love.  There was the constant Temptation to Let Me Take You Dancing.  Every night was Another Night, if you know what I mean.  There certainly weren’t any I.O.U.’s being written.  I always felt like a Macho Man.

My only regret was that I had to leave Maria, the love of my life.

But that was yesterday and yesterday’s gone.  I could go on Dreamin’ Of Love for the rest of this column, but it would be a waste of time.  Dance isn’t happening.  How could anyone think so.  Even my girlfriend would agree.  I tried to get her to help me with this column, but she was busy down at the Car Wash.

Alternative Ending

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8/11/1995

The radio was blaring, “The thrill is gone…gone away.”

She made a face. “What is that crap?”

Before I could tell her the tuner was scanning, she punched a button, twisted the volume knob and KROQ was pulsing like a bright neon light.

“Know who that is?” She asked

Fast ball.  Right down the middle.

“Nirvana,” I sneered.  “What is this, a test?”

Her eyebrows formed semi-circles as she shot me a look across the bridge of her nose.  “What does that group have to do with tonight?”

It was a test.  I hit the ball out of the park.

“The guitar player from Nirvana is in the Foo Fighters.”

She wasn’t impressed.

I brought her with me to make sure I was on the cutting edge of the Alternative scene.  As Network 40 is getting closer to the Commercial Alternative section we’ve been planning, I needed to involve myself deeper in the netherworld.  She would be my guide.  Not that I needed much guidance.  I reminded her that I had invented the format.

She still wasn’t impressed

“Put the car phone under the seat so no one will steal it,” she said.

First there was the diner at some Italian restaurant with Jeffrey, Chris and Brian from Capitol Records.  Lopes kept quoting from The Satanic Verses.  I couldn’t figure out why and didn’t try very hard.  I couldn’t talk with Jeffrey.  He was too busy hanging with his boy, Robert Woods.  Brian was talking with her.  He told her I invented the format.

She still wasn’t impressed

The trouble started at the Troubadour.  Supergrass was putting on a show and I was bogarting a warm, watery beer.

“Yo, chick, what’s up?”

I heard the voice behind me.  She rolled her eyes.

“Gerry,” she said, “this is Zandar.”

I turned around and immediately wished I hadn’t.

“Dude, it’s good to meet you,” Zandar shouted over the band.

I nodded.  There was no need to speak.

“What are you guys doing?”

She told him we were listening to the band, then heading to see the Foo Fighters.

He was impressed.

“Got any extra tickets?”

I pretended not to hear him.

“I don’t have any money, but I can give you some of this.”  He held out his palm.

I shook my head.  “Been there, done that.”

“Dude, It’ll make you see Jesus.”

I thought I was looking at him.  Except that in all the pictures I had seen, Jesus had never been depicted with fluorescent blue hair.

“I’ll take a pass on the pills, Zandar.”  I handed him a shot of tequila.  “But I’ll share a couple of these with you.”

“Far out, dude,” he shouted.  “What is it?”

“Just drink it.”  I knocked mine back.

She wasn’t impressed.

The hype on the Foo Fighters is big.  But not big enough.  The band was, in Zander’s words, “Awesome, dude.”  We stayed through the last chord, then headed for Before Dawn, a little known after-hours club just off the strip.  She asked for the phone to check her messages.  Zander was lying on the hood, trying to catch bugs in his mouth.

We were half-way through the first set of Secret (LA’s best unsigned band) when a truly Alternative urge hit me.

“I want a tattoo.”

She looked at me.  Impressed. Finally.

“I’ll show you where I got mine.”

“Great.” I took a step back and waited for her to show me.

She made that face again.  “No, I mean the parlor.  It’s right down the street.”

I took another shot of courage.  “Let’s go.”

She and I walked into the night.  Zander was right behind.

Inside the tattoo parlor, I was met by a half-naked man with no hair.  Lot’s of tattoos, though.  She was on a first-name basis with him.

“My friend wants a tattoo.”

He looked at Zandar in disgust.

She grabbed my arm.  “No, this one.”

He gave me the once over.  “What did you have in mind?”

I shrugged.  “Something small on my butt.”

I got the look he’d just given Zandar.  “On your butt?  Then it’ll be hidden.  Why don’t you let me put a giant eagle across your chest?”

“Why don’t you kiss my ass before you put a needle in it,” I snapped.

Zandar passed out in corner.

She pulled me over to a wall covered with pictures of tattoos before the guy could put a needle in my eye.  “Let’s pick one of these.”

I passed on different variations of “Mother.”

“How about a rose?” she suggested.

“Nope.”

She pointed to a dagger.

“Nope.”

“Well, what do you want?”

I was about to say I didn’t know, when I saw it.  I took her hand and placed her finger on it.

She looked up at me.  Really impressed.

“That’s perfect.” A smile.  “I’ll bet you invented that.”

She was catching on.

I dropped my jeans and Dr. Frankenstein went to work.  I felt no pain.  When it was done, we left.  The tattoo guy had Zandar spread out on a table, the flying eagle stitched across his chest.

In the car, she asked for the phone to check her service again.  I fumbled under the seat for a while with no luck.

“Maybe I put it under yours.”

She searched for a minute, then sat up.  “The phone is gone,” she sang softly, “gone away.”

I was impressed.

Later we compared tattoos.  Hers was in a place where she couldn’t see it without a mirror.  But I could.  Mine was in a place where I couldn’t see it without a mirror.  But she could.

You think you’ll ever see mine?

A lot of things are going to happen…but that ain’t one of them.

Amen, Ahmet

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2/16/1996

He was sitting in a chair, leaning forward slightly, elbows on his knees.  The spotlights illuminated the stage, casting the hundreds of people in the audience in the large convention room into darkness.  If he was bothered by the attention, you certainly couldn’t tell.  Politically incorrect, but turning it into the opposite by the mere fact that he did it, he lit a cigarette, took a sip of water and turned the big hall of strangers into a living room full of close friends.

“I was about 13 or 14 years old when I first went to New York.”  His gravelly voice cut through the microphone, causing the audience to move toward the edge of their seats…ears straining to pick up every word…eyes watching for the slightest nuance.  “They dropped me off at a movie theater by myself and promised to return in a couple of hours to pick me up.  I waited until they turned the corner, then hailed a cab and told the driver to take me to Harlem.”

The blonde sitting beside me nudged me hard in the ribs.  “Ain’t Ahmen cool?” she whispered in a hiss loud enough to be heard three rows back.

I acknowledged her with a nod.  I didn’t have the heart or desire to tell her his name wasn’t Ahmen.  It would have taken too long and she probably wouldn’t have cared one way or the other.  I had no idea who she was or why she was sitting in the first row, listening to Ahmet Ertegun, Co-Chairman and founder of Atlantic Records, as he was addressing an assembled multitude who had come to hear a sermon on the mount.

She was stunningly attractive in a bubblegum sort of way…short blonde hair teased as only women in the South can manage…rouge…bright red lipstick…long eyelashes and fake fingernails that matched the lips.  She was dressed in a vogue (whatever that is), see-through white top that tucked into a black dress with white polka-dots.  One dark nylon-encased leg crossed the other at the knee, rocking back and forth in time with the gum she kept popping in her teeth.

I felt the need to tell her to pay attention…to cherish the moment…that she was in the presence of a true legend…but she was too young to know or care.  But evidently not as naïve as I initially thought.  I would see her at the bar at two o’clock the next morning, having drinks with the man who was speaking.

The legend lives on.

“I wound up in a place similar to the Cotton Club sitting by one of the show girls.  I introduced myself to the band leader and they thought I was something.  Here I was, a young white boy, who knew as much about the music as those who were playing.  Hell, I had all their records.”

A quick time out for a puff, a sip of water and he continued with his story.  “After the show, they invited me back to a rent party at one of member’s apartments.  Someone was playing the piano, another singing, others joining in on assorted instruments and the next thing you know, I had a drink in my hand.”

He cleared his throat…not that it made any difference.  The rasp that is his voice was unaffected.  “I was getting hammered when one of the guys who knew my uncle came up and said, ‘What’s that in your hand?’  I informed him that it was scotch.  He told me drinking was bad for me, took the glass away and handed me a reefer.”

The crowd roared, giving him time to light another smoke.

In an industry quick to hang the mantle of “legend” on almost anyone who has a couple of good ratings books or signs a hit act, Ahmet Ertegun redefines the term.

To put in perspective, when compared against his accomplishments, the rest pale in comparison.  Forget pale…become invisible.

So you’ve signed a couple of acts who’ve sold a few million records…and think you’re happening? Get over it.

Ahmet found acts who became so famous they’re known universally by their first names.  Like Otis and Aretha.

While others mined the caves of New York (the ones he had already stripped), he discovered Muscle Shoals and made it legendary with recordings by Wilson Pickett and Percy Sledge.

Is there another person who could make this statement:  “The only two people who could be described by the term ‘genius’ in the 20th century are Louie Armstrong and Pablo Picasso.  Everything anyone has done since in music or art they got, in part, from the influence of these two.”  Louie and Pablo…only Ahmet could pull that off.

Ahmet is  truly one of a kind.  He’s done it all…with a passion and style unmatched in our business.  And, he had fun doing it.

You know what else? He still does.

Here’s a guy who almost lived with Mick Jagger for a year-and-a-half to get The Rolling Stones on Atlantic Records, then once the deal was done, he laughingly told Mick not to call him anymore…he had his name on the contract.

Here’s a guy whose diverse musical tastes allowed him to sign Ray Charles and Led Zepplin.  Talk about a reach!

It’s all well and good to memorialize his accomplishments, but as Ahmet is quick to point out, he ain’t done yet.  Ask him how old he is and he’ll tell you time is immaterial.  It’s not where you’ve been, but where you’re going.

Young at heart? You bet.  And in the flesh.  A lot of people decades younger than Ahmet were left bruised and battered in his wake in Atlanta.  You think he needs that cane to walk?  Not a chance.  It’s to shove aside the fallen bodies as he makes his way to another mystical place that is changed from the ordinary by his mere presence.

Ahmet Ertegun is epitomized by the company he founded…a company that defines diversity in Alternative, Rhythm & Blues, Rock, Rap, Jazz, Classical, Pop and everything in between.  It’s all music to Ahmet.

It is impossible to describe Ahmet Ertegun in ordinary terms because he isn’t an ordinary person.  His accomplishments are certainly extraordinary.  Yet, the very thing that makes Ahmet special is that he is ordinary in the most exquisite sense of the word.  He loves music.  From a listener’s perspective, not as an icon.  He’s a fan.

To know him is to love him.  To know him is to learn from him.

We should all be so lucky.

Ahmet Ertegun.  He’s so cool.

Amnesia

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1/23/1998

Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?

We live and work in a business that goes through more change than a toll booth operator.  Unfortunately, we don’t always have our quarters ready.

If you’re in radio, you should always be ready to move.  Losing your job is a fact of our business.  It doesn’t matter how good you are, you are destined to move on.  It’s the nature of this beast.

Why?  There are a thousand reasons.  Maybe you get complacent.  Maybe you start to slip.  Maybe another station signs on in your market and cuts into your audience.  Maybe you get a bad drop.  Maybe a new GM comes in and wants to hire his former PD.  Maybe the popular morning personality hates you.  Maybe your station is sold.

If none of these situations arise, there’s always “philosophical differences.”  That’s a joke.  There is no philosophy in radio with which to disagree.

However, getting fired isn’t the subject of this Editorial.  This is about what happens after you get fired.  Or more accurately, what actions you take when another gets fired.

Do you suffer from short-term memory loss?

The relationships between PDs and those doing record promotion are nervous at best.  Those relationships must be built on mutual trust.  It takes time.  And it takes consistency.

Do relationships really matter in today’s over-researched world of programming and promotion?  Of course.  Those who think differently have no relationships.

Can a relationship stop a hit record?  No.  Can relationships make a stiff become a hit?  Of course not.  But there are hundreds of records vying for spots each month…records that are unproven.  And relationships can get those records played to find out if they are indeed hits.

Promotion people are paid to establish relationships with programmers so a record can get a shot.  I’ve written several Editorials about how to establish those relationships.  But one important factor seems to be the most overlooked…especially in today’s ever changing landscape.  What happens when the person with whom you’ve developed a relationship gets fired?

Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?

Too many times, you lose contact.  Not because you drift away, but because you stop doing your job.  You do nothing to continue the relationship.

The most important time to call a person, the time when you will make the biggest impression, the time to really cement a relationship…is when the other person is out of a job…or out of your specific format.

A promotion person who doesn’t keep in contact with a programmer after s/he loses a job is a poor example of a record executive.  Not only is this job failure, it’s stupid.

Where do you think these out-of-work programmers are going to wind up?  At the State Department?  Almost 99.99% will get another programming gig in radio.  And each will make you pay dearly because you “forgot” their phone number.  And out-of-work programmers aren’t fooled by that “one-time” phone call.  We’re talking about consistent, “how are you?” calls.  It won’t take much time and will come back in spades.

If, on the other hand, you get amnesia when one of your programmers gets fired, expect  s/he to develop the same malady once another job is landed.

It goes the other way as well. Programmers who depend on record people to supply them with all the freebies should keep in touch if the record person goes down in flames.  Otherwise, payback is a bitch.

Need examples?  How about all those who fawned over APD/MD Bruce St. James at KPWR Los Angeles?  Bruce goes to an Oldies station in San Diego and can’t get a phone call returned.  Guess what?  He’s back at KKFR Phoenix.

Do you suffer from short-term memory loss?

One of the very best in the business is Arista’s Richard Palmese.  When I was in radio, Richard and I weren’t particularly close, yet every time I got blown out (and believe me, it was a lot), one of the first (and last) calls I got was from Richard, inquiring as to whether there was anything he could do.

Are there any of you who have “lost” Steve Kingston’s number since he’s programming Howard Stern?  Is there anyone out there who believes Kingston won’t be programming a Top 40 station in the near future?

Ask Scott Shannon who he talked with today.  It’s those who called after he walked the plank at Pirate Radio in L.A.

What about those who forgot about Bill Richards when he left KIIS?  He’s only one of the largest consultants in the business now…and still not taking your calls.

How many of you called Rick Gillette when he was ousted in Detroit?  Did you really think he would work at Network 40 for the rest of his life?  (Okay, bad example.  He didn’t return my calls when he worked here!)

On the flip side, how many PDs lost contact with Peter Napoliello after EMI folded?  Now he’s running A&M with jobs to fill and promotions to give.

Bottom line:  If you want to be special in this business, you have to be special to those with whom you seek relationships.  Don’t forget about them when they’re between jobs…and that’s what it is…between.  Programmers are like roaches…they will be back.  Keeping in touch is good business…plus, it’s the right thing to do.

Do you suffer from short-term memory loss?

I can’t remember.

And The Research Says…

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4/24/1998

Want to strike fear into the heart of a promotion person?  Mention the IRS?  Bring up a rumor about a significant other?  Talk about the record company going out of business?

All of these are workable.

Try this one:  “I heard your record isn’t researching well.”

Short of a real heart attack, nothing stops the blood flowing to a record executive’s brain quicker.

Why?

Because there is very little a promotion person can do to rationalize a bad research report card.

No sales?  “Hey, stock isn’t in the market yet.”  No requests?  “It’s a passive adult record.”  Poor research?  “Ah, um, well…”

What’s a mother to do?

It’s difficult, impossible even, to spin information over which you have no control.  Promotion people are paid to provide answers…to programmers and to their company.  There’s no accurate answer to the question:  Why isn’t the record testing well?

Programmers are constantly searching for pieces of information that will give their station an edge.  There is more information available now than ever before.  Stations spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to research everything from commercials to records.  This information is dissected and dissected again until a programmer has distilled all the exact information needed to make decisions that will eventually effect the ultimate success of their station.

Unfortunately, programmers are often looking for excuses…reasons not to do something.  Too many programmers have a difficult time just saying, “No.”  This is particularly true in dealing with record company executives.  If a programmer tells a promotion person a record isn’t right for the station, there immediately follows a lengthy diatribe on the record’s attributes…complete with more information.

However, programmers can stop a promotion person cold with the statement, “It isn’t testing well.”

Are there any viable responses?

“Ah, you haven’t played it long enough.”  “Well, it’s a bit early for positive research, don’t you think?”  “If you up the spins, the research will turn positive.”

The problem is that promotion people are dealing from a defensive position.  Any time you’re hit first, it makes it more difficult to recover with a snappy comeback.

Columbia’s Charlie Walk is especially tuned in to the research “problem.”  In discussing this subject last week, he stated the importance of knowledge in dealing with a programmer’s use of research as a weapon.

Promotion people should be ahead of the curve.  Too often, a promotion person relaxes when a record is added.  To many, their job is done. Oh, there’s some thought to increasing the spins, but that’s down the road.  In today’s word, your job isn’t done when a record is added…in reality, that’s when your job really begins.

A good record executive will chart the progress of records with all the stations that are playing it—especially records by new acts or acts that haven’t attained superstar status.  These records are in particular jeopardy and need the most special care.

Instead of waiting for a programmer to tell you a record is testing poorly, you should already have a feel.  Find a programmer who adds your record early and also does extensive research.  Network with this programmer to get an early reading on the research.  If, indeed, your record tests poorly out-of-the-box, share this information with other programmers.  Let them know that the record doesn’t test well initially.  Explain when (if you have the story) the record begins to pick up speed in the research race.  This way, a programmer can’t use the research club against you.  You’ve already shared this information before the programmer begins

Programmers believe promotion people have limited knowledge about radio.  In too many instances, programmers are right. Promotion people are sometimes too busy doing their job to find ways of doing their job better.  The more you know about radio, the more interesting you are to programmers.  They expect you to know about your records.  They expect you to bore them about your records.  What programmers don’t expect is a promotion person who has knowledge about radio.

What does this do?

It gives you an advantage when you don’t have a slam dunk.  And how many uncontested layups do we have today?

Do you know what kind of research your radio station does?  Do you know how many records your radio station researches in a week?  How many people are in their panel?  Who prepares the hook tapes?  Is the research in-house or does the station use a service?

How do you find out the answers to these question?  You ask.  Programmers are only too happy to discuss their jobs.  Promotion people should spend more time listening.  A great sales person once told me, “If you’re trying to sell your radio station to the Coca Cola distributor, you don’t talk about your radio station…you talk about soda pop.”

The same is true for promotion people.  Don’t be afraid of research.  Embrace it.  Find out about it.  Then, use it to your advantage.

You can’t always have a good research, any more than you can always have good records.  But with a little work on your part, you can find good answers.

You might even find great ones!

And The Survey Says…

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10/1/1993

And the survey says…

Game Show Host: Okay, contestants, hands on your buzzers. Here is the toss-up question: What industry trade magazine makes promises it doesn’t keep, is considered antiquated, out-of-touch, domineering, dictatorial, dilapidated, unsellable, unloved, unread and unwanted?

Buzzzz!

Contestant Number One: Uhhh…Radio And Records?

Game Show Host: (Looking at the board): One hundred radio and record people surveyed…the question, what industry trade rag makes promises it doesn’t keep, is considered antiquated, out-of-touch, domineering, dictatorial, dilapidated, unsellable, unloved, unread and unwanted? (Points to the board.) Show me…Radio And Records!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Game Show Host: Correct! The number one answer, with 99 out of 100 votes was Radio and Records. Contestant Number One, do you want to play or pass?

Contestant Number One: I’ll pass.

Contestant Number Two: I’ll pass, too.

Game Show Host: It looks like everyone is passing on R&R. Just for the record, the number two answer, with only one vote, was Hitmakers, but we understand it’s a personal thing.

* * * * *

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, distinguished members of our industry, honored guests…and Joel. The result are in.

This past week, The Network Forty commissioned an unscientific survey. We asked all in the industry to take part in a poll that asked the following questions: Do you believe in the concept of forecasting Plays Per Week? Will you forecast your Plays Per Week to R&R?

Our telephone rang off the hook. (Unlike R&R, we have a toll-free number. Also unlike R&R, we ask our readers and reporters for their opinions.) From the largest market to some of the smallest, from PDs and MDs to record company presidents and promotion people of all stripes, the message was quite clear.

Over half of our reporters responded and the results were as follows: One hundred percent of those participating said no. That’s correct. Not a single person agreed with R&R’s dictate requiring all of t heir reporters to provide PPW forecasts. Not one of the programmers said they would provide R&R with this data.

Okay, even we were a little stunned with the results. One hundred percent? We thought about altering the figures. We even called some who didn’t participate in the original poll. But we couldn’t change the outcome. We were committed to publishing the results, no matter what. We didn’t expect a landslide. But that’s exactly what happened.

First, we would like to thank all of you who took the time to participate. Reflecting your opinions is the cornerstone of The Network Forty.

Second, what’s up with radio And Records? Are they still lost in the biosphere? Hey, guys, have you heard this one? The PPW forecast dog ain’t gonna hunt. So why be its fire hydrant?

Reality is a word that has stopped being printed on the R&R pages. Fortunately, for the rest of us, the industry is reading different papers today.

It’s really quite simple. Plays Per Week is what’s happening. Not forecasting. Plays Per Week is the reporting standard for the ’90s…and beyond. If you are a radio station and you’re not reporting Plays Per Week, you’re running the risk of being discounted by record companies who are looking for actual play…not guess work. There is no reason for not reporting your PPWs, unless you’re listing records on your playlist that you don’t play. Most record companies are looking at BDS and The Network Forty PPWs to determine particular radio stations’ importance. Don’t just take our word for it. Ask your local promo reps.

If BDS monitors your market, your PPWs make it possible for you to point out any inconsistencies that might appear. If BDS doesn’t ‘monitor your market, PPWs are the only indicators that establish the integrity of your list.

Trust me on this: If you aren’t reporting PPWs and BDS doesn’t monitor your market, you are running a huge risk of being ignored by record companies and, in turn, being shut out of the many promotional tools they provide. In the very near future, record companies will no longer be paying attention (or paying promotional dollars) to radio stations because of the parallel status. Many of them don’t already. It is time for those of you who don’t report PPWs to join the majority and begin. Don’t get shut out.

Although The Network Forty is the only trade magazine that currently charts Plays Per Wek, we’re not asking for your exclusivity. It has been our standard. We’ve made it available to the industry as the standard. All trades should accept PPWs. We’ve even made the term available to every other trade because it is the best information source for our industry.

If you’re a record company that continues to pay promotional and independent dollars based on playlists segregated by a parallel system, you need to stop. By supporting a system most of you privately abhor, you perpetrate the manipulation that strangles our industry…and eventually distorts the true impact of your efforts. If you rely on BDS and PPWs, you will be supporting honesty and reality.

Isn’t that what all of us want?

BDS and PPWs are the only honest standards of actual airplay in the industry today. R&R’s promised vaporware and monitoring system is just that…a promise…an empty promise.

How many times will your boss fail to act on his promise of a raise before you stop believing him and look for a new job? How many times can your love interest promise you future commitment before you find someone else? How many times can R&R cry “wolf” before we stop believing them?

Most of us are done believing.

I’m tired of writing about it. Are you tired of reading about it? Hey, R&R, here’s an offer you can’t refuse. Deliver on your promises and reflect reality and I’ll ease up. When can we expect that to happen? Next month? Christmas? 1999?

Besides, I’d much rather bash Hitmakers…it’s a personal thing.

Another Opening, Another Show

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May 6, 2003

 

 

The first few days of MusicBiz are now under out belt and we’re excited. How different from most in the music industry.

 

Those of us working with the P/C Alliance have such a wonderful canvas on which to write the next phase of our professional lives. Our offices are located in the post production facility owned by our partners Mike Post, Steven Bochco, Steven Cannell and Dick Wolfe. We get to watch episodes of “NYPD Blue”, “Dragnet”, “The Practice” and more as they’re put together. Watch closely and you’ll see us in the background on the different episodes. We’ve had lots of practice going to showcases, so we naturally look good in a crowd! We even got to see all the parts of “Charlie’s Angels II” that didn’t make it on the final reel.

 

Most of all, we are involved in a part of the entertainment industry where a premium is on talent. Movies and television are hard work. The hours are long. But the faces on every member of the production and executive unit are full of confidence and excitement.

 

This business is still fun!

 

Economic concerns plague all of us. However, instead of long faces and tales of doom and gloom, I hear producers and production managers arguing for more money…demanding extra time to get it right…insisting on a larger budget to make it worthwhile in the end.

 

An unfortunate trend has encompassed the radio and music industries. The talented people in our business are drinking the Kool Aid and seem to be enjoying the taste. Program directors and promotion executives used to fight tooth-and-nail for every dollar, then spend more anyhow. We used to find innovative, creative ways to accomplish our goals in spite of the dire consequences threatened by the “suits.”

 

We’ve become the people we once despised. I understand the complications of today’s business…we’re starting a new company in bleak economic times. I understand that we all most be conscience of the realities of the economy within our own companies and divisions. But I don’t understand how we’ve become part of that debilitating, depressing group. Instead of fighting for our right to party, why are we putting on the long “accountant” faces and speaking of P&L like it was the Holy Grail.

 

Spare me.

 

I didn’t study accounting…didn’t want to be one. It’s important, but it’s boring. I believe in music. It’s necessary and extraordinarily joyful.

 

I believe involvement in music should be invigorating…exciting… exuberant…and most of all, I believe it should be fun. I want to find ways to succeed, I don’t want to look for ways not to fail.

 

So spare me the long faces. Save your new cost cutting measures for the head of finance. Tell me about your favorite new song.

 

Let me tell you about mine. I just heard a recording of a James Taylor cut he’s done for a charity album. It’s a remake of “I Can’t Help It (I’m Still In Love With You).” Find it. Listen to it.

 

It’ll put a huge smile on your face.

 

Then call me and I’ll tell you about this fantastic new idea I have…

Another Playlist, Another Chart

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7/19/1996 

In last week’s issue of Monitor, Sean Ross asked the question, “What would a Modern/Adult Top 40 chart look like?”

The first answer off the top of my head would be, “Who the hell cares?” But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Monitor has decided to answer a question nobody has asked and solve a problem that doesn’t exist.  Our industry needs another chart like it needs me to dress up like a woman again and appear on the cover of Network 40.  (Okay, that’s a bad analogy.  From time to time, I do feel the need to dress up in lingerie and hang out with my “sisters” at the Queen Mary Club in West Hollywood, but that’s another story…and there’s definitely no chart attached.)

This Editorial is not meant to vilify Misters Ross and/or Michael Ellis.  It has always been Network 40’s position that trade magazines should reflect the needs of the industry…both records and radio.  In most instances, Monitor has strived to do that.  However, by proposing a “Brand New Chart” and calling it “Modern Adult,” it seems that Monitor may be creating a problem.

Tina Turner sang, “We don’t need another hero.”  Does the industry really need another chart?

Instead of creating a “Brand New Chart,” perhaps we should redefine our old ones.  In the coming weeks, Network 40 will redefine A/C and Hot A/C with a chart devoted to Adult Top 40.  This chart will be a reflection of aggressively programmed Adult Top 40 stations across the country.  The Network 40 Adult Top 40 chart will be a reflection of those stations that are aggressive in programming, promotion and music.  It will include those stations that focus on adult demographics.  What it won’t include is an attempt to “niche” stations within the broad category.  It won’t try to define stations by particular records added to playlists.

The beauty of the Top 40 format and what makes it unique, be it Mainstream or Adult, is its total lack of uniqueness.  Top 40 is now, and has always been, a format that plays the hits garnered from all the other formats.  If the Top 40 format makes no formal distinction between Pearl Jam, Mariah Carey, Eric Clapton and The Fugees, other than the fact that the current records by these artists are selling, requesting and researching, why should we?

There are always variations on a theme.  No two radio stations are alike.  If most fit into a broad category, who are we to decide that a certain, chosen few need to be separated into a group of their own?

Or course, when an obvious trend occurs, as in the case of Adult Top 40, Crossover or Alternative, it is evident that format charts for these stations need to be created.  When stations within the format “niche” themselves out of the broad Top 40 boundaries, and when enough of these stations fall into the same niche, a chart devoted exclusively to a particular style of music and radio stations that play it is necessary.  Stations need to be niched based on what they “don’t” play instead of what songs appear on their playlists.

In the late 70s and early 80s, the RKO Radio chain dominated music radio like no other company before or since.  The chain had the leading Top 40 stations in New York, Los Angeles, Boston, San Francisco, Memphis and programming control over the leading Top 40 stations in Detroit, Chicago and San Diego.  It was the strictest form of radio in history.  Every station was programmed almost exactly the same.  Every station ran the same promotions at the same time. Every radio station added the same records every week.  Records were added to the chain.  Yet even in this restricted environment, some stations added records that were unique to their market.  The James Montgomery Band (just one example of many) was added in Boston, but never made it on another RKO station because the record was unique to Boston.  The other programmers knew this. The music industry knew this.

Here’s a news flash:  The programmers and record promotion people know this today.  We don’t need another chart to figure it out.

In the first place, the number of stations Monitor is including in this “Brand New Chart” is too small.  Fourteen stations do not make a “niche.”  For the record industry (and those programmers who pay close attention to national charts), movement is all-important.  With only 14 stations, a drop by just one station could reflect a downward move on the chart.  With such a finite sample, a record’s success on this “Brand New Chart” could be jeopardized if just one or two programmers didn’t believe it fit their particular sound.  A record doing well on 90% of the stations could be stymied on this “Brand New Chart” simply because it isn’t deep enough.

Second, what is Modern record?  Is it defined by what these particular stations play?  Then Seal, Eric Clapton, Tom Petty, Melissa Etheridge and Los Del Rio (just name just a few) are Modern artists. These were listed on the latest playlists of some of the stations “chosen” by Monitor to represent this “new” format.

We all understand that individual stations are unique.  What works on one does not necessarily work on another.  Aren’t we smart enough to figure it out without a chart to guide us?

In the article penned by Mr. Ross, he asks (in the first paragraph) the rhetorical question: “Modern/Adult…is it a format?”

If we aren’t even sure it’s a format, should we be creating a chart?

I have much respect for Sean Ross and Michael Ellis.  Michael and I worked together at WAPP in New York.  I can say with authority that Michael is definitely passionate about music.  But even at WAPP, he took too much time working on the chart.  The boy has a thing with numbers.  I had to pull him off the computer just to teach him how to drive a car.

In the fax describing this “Brand New Chart,” Sean and Michael asked for input.  I hope this Editorial will suffice.  You may “input” it wherever you like.

We don’t need another “Brand New Chart” based on a format that doesn’t yet exist.

You guys have way too much time on your hands.